Friday, July 29, 2011

Friday Moment 7/29/11

A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from sometime ... anytime

A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember


Happy weekend everyone!  =)

Jewell  =)  xo

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Thursday Chuckles 7/28/11

Yeah...this could be a real problem for the deer!

Well at least they are about as honest politicians can possibly be!

And where, exactly, would this even be an issue outside of boot camp???

Dammit!  Now what?!?!

Aaaaaaaaaand either can read well enough in their current occupations and conditions to make this sign effective?

Happy Thursday!  =)

Jewell  =)  xo

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Media Hilarity - 7/27/11

Ok...I apologize in advance for this week's edition.  Kinda.  In any case, should there be some involuntary pukage that occurs on your computers/keyboards/monitors, etc...I deny any and all responsibility and refuse to pay for new equipment.  So...that means, in short, stalker up and read some of these on an empty stomach!  So there!  =-p

    Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket   Really?  It rampages?  Was it like 8ft tall?  How does a spider rampage exactly? Do the floors shake?  Light fixtures swing?  Threatening "Boom! Boom! Boom!" to the time of 8?  What? 

    Semen-tainted yogurt samples land grocery store employee in jail   
Aaaaaaaaaaaand....so.  Hmm...yeah.

    'Ninja' spotted in Sunland Park yard  
Shitty, shitty, shitty Ninja.  Only a flunked out Ninja would be spotted anywhere...including the park.  Bad, bad, Baaaaaad Ninja!

   
Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy
    I don't even know where to go with this.  I'll let your imaginations work this one out for you.  *shakes head*


And from my "as seen on twitter" account....

    @ABC: Oklahoma Man Poses as Autistic, Cons Women Into Changing His Diaper http://abcn.ws/qixyQd

And...there you have it!  =)

Jewell  =)  xo

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

And so...been running a bit ragged

For those of you that might not be friends with me on Facebook or who regularly email me, you might be unaware that I've been running myself a bit ragged as of late.

With the poking and prodding of friends and loved ones who like my photography, I've decided to make a run at making it a business venture.  Honestly, I don't know how it will go or if it will go at all, but the truth of it is that I will never know if it will work if I don't try....so try it out I am.

I would appreciate some pimping on my behalf for those of you that might be interested in helping this to take off.

I currently have a site set up on RedBubble.com where people can buy matted prints, laminated prints, mounted prints, canvas prints and framed prints.  Here's a slideshow for my account there for your viewing pleasure!  =)


If you would like to use this or a smaller version on your site to pimp me out to your friends and family click the "Contact Jewell" link on the right side of the page under the search box to send me an email and I will be happy to send you the code to use.

I have also set up a Facebook page under LensTripping Photography.  I would appreciate it if you would like the page and share the page with friends and family.  My RedBubble.com account is linked to this page, so anytime that I upload new photos for sale it posts them to the page so you can keep up with what's available.

I am currently working on setting up an account at another site that will allow people to purchase my photos on things like cards and coffee mugs.  And....if that's not nearly enough, I am working on setting up a photography blog that is specific to the trips that we take and that share some of the stories behind the places that we visit.

So...that's what I've been up to.  I am open to ideas for how to go about promoting my site to make my dream a reality, and everyone's thoughts are welcome.  Though keep in mind the cheaper on my pocket book the better because I'm doing this by the shoestring of my hiking boots and I'm running out of string to play with!  =)

One thing to keep in mind though, while this is a dream come true if it all works as I hope, I absolutely believe in giving back.  So, with any and every sale I make, a portion of all profits will be sent to a charity of choice each month.  Despite moments that might seem tough or stressful for me, I am blessed overall, and sometimes overly aware there are others who aren't as blessed or to the same extent.  Keeping that in mind I want to do my part to help others.

Ok...so back to work...stay out of trouble.  Funny will return tomorrow!  =)  Promise!

Jewell  =)  xo

Monday, July 25, 2011

Mugshot Monday 7/25/11

I can't really tell if this guy is going to cry, spit at the camera, or if his head is going to spin around on his shoulders! 


Happy Monday everyone!  =) 

Jewell  =)  xo

Friday, July 22, 2011

Friday Moment 7/22/11

A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from sometime ... anytime

A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember


Have a stupendous weekend everyone!

Jewell  =)  xo

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Thursday Chuckles 7/21/11

Amen to that!

Meanwhile the birds are laughing their asses off as they poo bomb the neighborhood!

Well.....I suppose that's good to know!

Huh!     (?????)

Shit advertising!  Fire the dickcheese that came up with this idea!

Happy Thursday!!  =)

Jewell  =)  xo

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Media Hilarity - 7/20/11

    Miss. woman shooting at dog kills husband    Ummm...it was an accident.  Just like the name of the dog is the equivalent to "Fluffy".  Suuuuuure!

    Drunken driver asks cop for directions  
OMG!  I swear these guys are making the cop's jobs easier.  First the guys smoking their marijuana outside the police station, and now this guy!

    Teen burned in fireworks-in-coffee-grinder blast  
5 words for this guy...."What a fucking dumb ass!"

    Robber who broke into hair salon is beaten by its black-belt owner and kept as a sex slave for three days... fed only Viagra  
And from the files of "boy, did I fuck the hell up"....  What are the chances this guy is going to change his life around after this???

    Pasco man arrested at Hudson Beach, says 48 beers was likely 10 too many  
10??  Only 10?  Eeeesh!  *facepalm*

Here's hoping you don't end up in my Media Hilarity posts!!  =)

Jewell  =)  xo

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Do You See What I Have To Deal With???

Is it really any wonder my brain is so twisted?  I blame it on the husband him (well, and my mother, but she's not here to defend herself)...

Don't believe me??  Check out some snippets of the conversations that we have...  =)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Husband Him:  Are you in bed?

Me:  {looking down at my ass on the couch}  No. 

Husband Him:  You said you were going to go to bed early.

Me:  I did. 

Husband Him:  Well it's early.

Me:   Yeah, but it's not my early.  Are you trying to get rid of me?  You want to watch porn don't you?  Or have a girlfriend that you want to chat with.

Husband Him: 
{smiles and turns laptop so I can see it}  Porn.  Cartoon porn.  {On his laptop screen - Frontierville}

Me:  Ugh!
{covers face laughing}

Husband Him:  What?

Me: 
{laughing} Ugh!  I don't even know how to handle that.

Husband Him:  Well would you rather I look at cartoon porn or real girls?

Me: 
{laughing harder} Ugh!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Husband Him:  I feel obligated to take you to lunch.

Me:  That’s not a very romantic date request.

Husband Him:  Sure it is.

Me:  You suck at this.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Me:   Are you still talking?

Husband Him:   I don't know. I can't tell.
                         
{cocks head like RCA dog}
                          Am I really talking if no one is listening?


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Husband Him:  Maybe we should stop at the Ford dealer while we are here.

Me:  You wanted to do that the last time we were here and didn't.

Husband Him:  I know.  I didn't want to irritate my wife.  Today I don't care.


See what I mean??

Jewell  =)  xo

Monday, July 18, 2011

Mugshot Monday 7/18/2011

This is what I would call a series of mugshots in progression as the realization of where they were sets in...


Happy week!

Jewell  =)  xo

Friday, July 15, 2011

Friday Moment 7/15/11

A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from sometime ... anytime

A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember


Have a mystical weekend everyone!  =)

Jewell  =)  xo

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Thursday Chuckles 7/14/11

Yep.  I'm thinking that sounds like a stupendous plan!!!  I'll meet you out there!

Um.  No thank you.  I won't be sniffing any dog.  In the front or in the rear!

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

I would pay soooooo much money for the ticket and the bet to watch someone try to put this on their cat!!

LMFAO!  I have absolutely nothing for this because it cracks me the fuck up!  =)
Happy Thursday folks!!

Jewell  =)  xo

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Media Hilarity - 7/13/11

I'm pretty sure some of you might have seen some of these somewhere along the way, but all of them are worth reappearing here for my foreign readers.  =)  Prime craziness shouldn't be hoarded!!  =)

    Woman dies of heart attack caused by shock of waking up at her OWN funeral   This sounded so much like a hoax that I couldn't begin to wrap my brain around it.  Then I saw the local news reporting the story, and, of course, because it was on TV that means it's a true story, right??  *shakes head*  Poor woman!

    Ohio deputies: Woman sprayed us with breast milk  
I'll admit that I'm small enough to have laughed at this first.  Loudly!  Repeatedly, even.  I'm not proud of it, but it happened.  After I sobered up I have to admit that I almost had to go puke.  Seriously.  How disgusting!

    Inmate Beaten For Suspected Honey Bun Theft   
Now, I'm a huge fan of a good pastry.  I'm pretty sure I'm not a big enough fan of ANY pastry to beat someone with dominoes over stealing it.  Especially not when there are guys in close proximity that have mace, bean bag shooters, and possible actual firearms to get my attention.

    Florida Man Writes Book About Love Affair With Dolphin   
Another confession...this title really does nothing for me on the media hilarity scale.  However the subtitle..."Malcolm Brenner Describes Relationship As 'Passionate'"...that makes me laugh.  It also makes me cry for the poor dolphin that had to be subjected a non-dolphin passionate relationship.  However, my lovely stalkers...if THAT doesn't do it for you?  Please read the article, because I promise that the title of the book in question will do "it" for you.  *wink*

    Intoxicated men take dead alligator off-roading   
Oh no...this did not happen in Alabama, Mississippi, or even Louisiana as you might suspect.  Nope.  Michigan, people.  It happened in Michigan.  *shakes head* 

Have a laugh filled day!!

Jewell  =)  xo

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Ahhh...the peace, quiet, and wicked of life in the country

I am a country girl at heart.  I'm a born and bred, corn fed Midwesterner.  Growing up, I literally lived amongst the cornfields (or bean fields, whichever rotation the field was in that year).  Mind you, none of the fields were mine (as the state of Illinois frowns on children owning property) or my family's.  Yet I felt it my duty to run unheeded like an ill mannered heathen through the fields every summer like clockwork.  There were monsters to be slayed in the stalks of corn, and forts to be made in the tree line.  Needless to say it was ridiculous hard busy work that kept me out of my mother's hair during the summer months.  Then again, now that I think about it, the farmer who owned the field was also the pig farmer that stunk up the joint every summer and Mom didn't like him much, so I'm pretty sure she didn't really care all that much if I broke a stalk...or twooooowenty?  My mother...the original "don't ask, don't tell".

So when it comes to country living I'm well versed in how wonderful it can be, but also how horribly dangerous, or just plain scary, it can be.

Don't get me wrong, there's something (though I'm not sure what) to be said for the urban lifestyle.  Having lived in Las Vegas for 7 years there is no way that you can't get a feel for all the good, the bad, the ridiculous and the truly stupidly ugly people things that life has to offer in the city.  However, my heart remained in the country all those years (And let me tell you living without a heart?  Not as easy as you might think!).  So when the opportunity arose to move back to the country I jumped at it.  Luckily we were able to get out of Vegas just before the real estate bubble imploded.   When I say we were lucky?  I mean that we could feel the snap of the bubble as we drove out of town...a month longer and we would have been stuck there and financially underwater like so many others.

So I'm back to the Midwest and happy as a pig in shit.  Despite the fact that I am a mobile mosquito buffet, and what the mosquitoes don't get the ticks do.  Then there is the humidity that could drown me just by stepping out my back door.  Other than that, I'm content.

Weeellllllll.....except when I have snakes falling at me from my patio.

What?

Yeah, I said it.

Snake.

**** Please excuse this interruption in the story while I wait for some of my readers to take a hefty dose of their Valium ****

We good now?

Can I continue my story?

Good.

So, as I was saying...snakes falling at me from my patio roof.

Thursday (my bitchiest day of the week) night I was winding down the work day around 11pm.  The husband him and I decided to step out on the patio for a smoke.  So we walk out our sliding glass door, walk down the steps onto the patio.  The husband is already at the other end of the patio when I hear "Thunk!" from behind me.

Me:  "What the fuck was that?"

Husband Him: "What?" (as he turns around to look at me)

Me: "That noise?"

I don't really know what happened.  My eyes hadn't quite adjusted to the dark yet, and turning around to face the door with the light from inside didn't help.  At first it sounded like one of the cats had come to sit next to the door and hit a container we keep next to it to help keep the screen to the sliding glass door closed (I really need new windows).

So, I stand there, looking....looking....looking....  No cat, container hasn't been moved or knocked over, and my eyes suddenly adjusted and I saw the shape of a snake that was on the step that we had just come off of.

Me: "Holy shit! It's a snake!"

Husband Him: "What?!"  (voice cracks a little bit on it's way up an octave - ok not really, but it's good for the effect since he hates snakes)

Me:  "It's a fucking snake.  It just came down from the patio roof."

We proceed to try and wrangle the snake so that we can help it cross over, aaaaannnnnd we lose it.  So we start moving everything on the patio trying to find it.  No snake.  The fucking thing must have vaporized like the ghost it was going to become.

As it turns out, it was a black snake (or a rat snake).  Completely harmless to humans.  They are some of my favorite country friends because they help to keep the rodent population down to a squeak instead of a roar.  Generally, when I see them, I let them go about their way.  They are harmless, and in no way interested in me.

HOWEVER.....

This one was clearly on a mission, and giving me a hug on the patio wasn't it.

See...we have a bird nest up above the sliding glass door in the security lights.  The purple martins make a nest up there every year, have 2 or three babies a couple of times and then they are done and we don't see them until the following spring/summer.

We are on our second batch of babies, and he was clearly working his way to a meal.  We think he was on the wall with the door and when we slid the door shut it knocked him loose and he fell.  I told the husband him that he was going to be back because he's hungry.

Finally I went back in for my bath, the husband him came in and grabbed the flashlight I had been using while we moved stuff, and said....

Husband Him: "I'm going out for another smoke.  If you hear me scream......" 

Now for those of you that don't speak or are familiar with Husband Him speak let me break it down for you...

Part 1 - "I'm going out for another smoke" is code for I'm going out to obsess about where the snake could have gone.    

Part 2 - "If you hear me scream" is code for I found the snake and you better haul ass out here and help me kill the sonofabitich! and, NO, I don't fucking care if you are nekkid and dripping wet with bubbles flying!

No screaming ensued, and, when I finished, I took the flashlight with me and went out for another smoke.  By this time it's been about an hour and half or so, since the snake first surprised the hell out of me.  I go out the sliding glass door, light up my smoke, flash the flashlight around the patio to make sure that I don't see him working his way back to the nest.  No snake.  Good deal!  Then I had a thought....maybe I had better flash the light up by the nest to make sure he's not already back up there.

Guess what?????

Working his way to a midnight snack.  If you look at the rim of the nest (clicking the picture to make it bigger) that gray fluff is one of the babies

Yep!  He was back, and probably closer than he was when he fell off the wall the first time.

The part of the window that he's over in this picture is actually the door that slides.  The left side is the stationary window.  So I sidle very slowly over to the stationary window where I can peer at the husband him inside through the curtain and I tap lightly on the window to get his attention.  He looks up at me and I point up.  He walks over to the door and tries to see the snake from the inside, and then asks if he should come out.

Duh!  Yeah!

So I told him to use the regular door on the other side of that patio to come out.

Husband Him:  "You want to get your camera for a picture for your blog first?"

He knows me so well....

Me:  "Yeah, I guess.  Did you leave the other door unlocked for me to get in?"

Husband Him:  "Ummmmmm.......hmmmm." *laughs at self*

Me:  "Thanks for that!"  *me not laughing*

He knows me, but apparently isn't overly sensitive to the state of my mental health.  Which, if you think about it, is kind of ironic since the state of my mental health directly affects the husband him's happiness-o-meter. MEN!

Needless to say, the snake is no more.  I guess I should say, probably is no more.  What was left of him probably became some bird's breakfast after the sun rose.  The baby birds are safe, and getting fat and about ready to leave the nest.  Then there is the fact that I can walk out my door and not worry about a snake landing on my head.  I consider it a plus for everyone involved.  Well, except maybe for the snake.

Ahhh...the country life.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.  Well, I might consider trading it for a couple of hours for a PF Chang's, but other than that.....

Jewell  =)  xo

Monday, July 11, 2011

Mugshot Monday 7/11/11

Happy 7-11 day!

No, it's not a real day for which we can celebrate (that I know of), but today is 7/11/11 and it's hot outside so a fucking Slurpee sounds like heaven at the moment! 

Anywho...here's a dude who won't be getting any kind of Slurpee that I'm interested in.  And, for the record, what's with the beard???


Happy days!!  =)

Jewell  =)  xo

Friday, July 8, 2011

Friday Moment 7/8/11

A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from sometime ... anytime

A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember


Have a phenomenal weekend everyone!  =)

Jewell  =)  xo

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Thursday Chuckles 7/7/11

Moron!  I hope the cops showed up, slapped him upside the back of the head, and walked away.
Are camels and elephants off leash really a problem in the cemetery?!?!
Duuuuuuuuuuuuuude!
Huh!  Odd pairing of to "toy" stores...
Seriously?!  Are these last 2 pictures in the same town?  Because I'm beginning to see a theme here....

Happy day!  =) 

Jewell  =)  xo

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Media Hilarity - 7/6/11

Is it really possible for ME (??) to be stunned into deafening silence with the stupidity that abounds in this world?

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha....nah! Not really!  Enjoy!  =)

    Tennessee man to be exhumed to retrieve wrong dentures    Why?  Is he really going to need his dentures where he's going?  Because, if he's going to be able to take his dentures with him, then when I win the lottery I'm going to make sure I am buried (rather than cremated) with what's left of my winnings!

    'Drunk' tow boat captain towed to shore by tow boat after towing other boat round in circles for hours    Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

    Feces-Covered Man Hid in Portable Toilet at Colorad Yoga Festival    Sooooooooo NOT the way to get a girl, dude!

    Baboon seen roaming New Jersey neighborhood    Apparently they are working on the new cast for Jersey Shore!

    Singing Penis Insect Proves Size Does Matter    *crickets*  *blink*  *crickets*  *blink*  *crickets*


Happy Hump Day!  =)

Jewell  =)

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Safety versus .....

I'm a Harley girl through and through (though I'll be willing to bend for Honda because I'm cheap, but I dream for a Harley).

I've always wanted a Hertitage Softtail Classic, but because, while legally able to drive a motorcycle, but still poor I think Harley has gone and removed them from the inventory.  Right now I'm willing to settle for one of these.....

Road King Classic (Courtesy of Harley-Davidson.com)

However, my knees are shot, so by the time I can actually afford to buy one I'll have to get one of these....

TriGlide Ultra Classic (Courtesy of Harley-Davidson.com)
I think I would be good with that actually!

Growing up in a house where vintage and current motorcycles are my father's passion, he taught me one valuable lesson.  I never get on a bike without the proper protection.  It didn't matter how hot it was outside.....no correct clothing = no ride.  Period.  End of discussion.  I am sure part of this has to do with my mother being a mother.  She never was impressed with the times that dad would take me for a ride on the bike.  Again, a mother being a mother.

In any case, I was never allowed to leave without jeans, tennis shoes (preferably boots of some kind), a leather jacket and, most importantly, a helmet.  It's the way I was raised.

My father once told me a story of a guy that he used to work with.  He rode bikes.  Maybe part of it was a masculinity thing because, for some reason, his name was Connie.  In any case, he wasn't a reckless driver by all accounts  While the details of Connie's story are a bit fuzzy, he had an accident.  One that many motorcycle drivers can probably relate to on one level or another.  He was out for a drive and his back wheel slid out from under him on a patch of gravel.  He was going full speed.  He walked away with a broken finger.  Why?  Because he was wearing his leathers and helmet.

When I see people riding around on a hot summer day, no helmet, flip flops, shorts, tank tops (or, in the case of guys, no shirts) it irks the hell out of me and I say a little prayer to whoever might listen to keep them upright and safe.

This weekend I saw this come through on my twitter account....

NY motorcyclist dies on ride protesting helmet law after flipping over Harley's handlebars, 
hitting head on pavement http://bit.ly/lIeS2o

I understand the desire to not want to be weighed down by the gear.  I don't understand why someone would want to take the chance.

I'm not saying that because I think all people that protest a helmet law are bad drivers or reckless.  In fact, if the truth be told, I believe people that drive motorcycles are more attentive drivers in general because they know the risks associated with being on the road, in the open air, with the weather, semis, cars, and just plain stupid people who don't pay any fucking attention to anything outside of the cabin of their own vehicle, least of all a tiny motorcycle in front, behind, or beside them.

However, that being said, why take the chance because of that one time when it could be you.  When it could be your family that is affected because you didn't pay the extra $200 or $300 for a helmet that could have saved your life.

It doesn't make sense to me.  I love irony.  She and I are great friends that have yukked it up on many an occasion, but this time...this time she wasn't being funny at all.....and I am incredibly sad for this guy's family.

All because this....
Helmet Picture Courtesy of Harley-Davidson.com

....could have made the difference.

Back to the funny tomorrow....

Jewell  =)  xo

Monday, July 4, 2011

Mugshot Monday 7/4/11



Firstly, for those of my readers that are part of the U.S.of A, let me wish you, your friends, and your families a happy and safe 4th of July!  But, please, take at least a moment out of your busy festivities to thank a veteran and his or her family, to say a prayer or think a healing thought for all of our current military that are serving overseas (in action or not), and to look at our flag with your heart rather than your eyes and be thankful for the ability to celebrate this day with those that we love.

Now....



On to today's edition of Mugshot Monday.  I don't even have words to describe this guy.  I only was able to come up with a reaction...  *shudder*


Have a beautiful and blessed day!

Jewell  =)  xo

Friday, July 1, 2011

Friday Moment 7/1/11

A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from sometime ... anytime

A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember


Have a relaxing weekend everyone!!

Jewell  =)  xo