Monday, May 2, 2011

Pssst. *looks over shoulder* Guest What?

I'M BACK!!!!  =)
(in case you couldn't tell by my early morning rant this morning)

Ok, ok, ok.  Get your uncontrollable joy under control.  The standing ovation, applause and tears *starts throwing tissues to the masses like confetti* is really too much.  I wasn't gone that long.  Really.  No.  Seriously. Stop.  Enough.  QUIT it already!  You people are never this nice to me, so all this over reaction of yours is seriously becoming suspicious.  Hey....pass me one of those glasses of wine would ya?


Anywhosaboutit....  I first want to say a sincere, heartfelt "Thank you!" to Stu, BaldyChaz, and SJ for helping me out last week while I was gallivanting across the US of A for a business trip.  All of you are more than welcome to drop by and sprinkle some laughter about anytime!  Just, you boys, please make sure to clean up after yourselves or else SJ may never come back to play!  =)

If any of you wonderful stalkers missed out on their guest posts, please be sure to check them out and visit their blogs.  They are all very worthy of your superficial love, and completely unrealistic adoration.  Here are the links to their guest posts if you missed them.

Stuart Nager - Motoring With Maggie

BaldyChaz - Holidaymakers!

Also, while I was away, guess what happened?  No really.  Come on.  Guess!  I'll bet you can't guess!


I won another award!

Oh shut up and drink your wine....

But this one is extra special.  Know why?

Because it finally recognizes my true station in life.  It makes me an Overlordess.  See?

Ok, so it doesn't exactly say that I am an Overlordess, but dammit I'm a girl so it has to be true.

The power of me was recognized by an equally powerful woman that I've mentioned multiple times on this blog.  Mainly because I think she ran out of people to torture with the awards when she gets bludgeoned with one, but I'm not going to complain because I love her.  She taught me the word "celebritard" after all, and it's just against my nature to not fall head over sexy, stylish heels in love with a woman like that.   So Your Highness, Overlordess Asha...thank you for seeing what so many of these other ungrateful ruffians refuse to recognize.  =)

Here are the rules...

     1. List three things you would change if you were Overlord.

     2. List ten blogs worthy of world domination. Yeah, that’s not going to happen. How about three?  Uh huh...yeah.  What she said.  Sorta.  I'm picking 4.  Whatever.

     3. Contact them about their new position of power.

So, just this once, I am going to do 2 things that I never do.

     1.  I am going to steal word for word Asha's 3 things, because outside of stupid politicians, she pretty well covered what my choices would have been.

     2.  I am actually going to share the wealth and pass out the award to 3 bloggers.

3 things (Asha and) I would change as Overlordesses

     1.) First and foremost, I would lock some scientists in an underground laboratory until they invented teleportation. Screw the cost of fuel! I teleport, bitches!  And after the week that I just had...this would have damned well been first on my list anyway!

     2.) I would also do away with telemarketers. I mean, seriously, with all the junk mail we get in our inboxes and mailboxes do we really need phone calls too? REALLY? I would also execute anyone who sold another person’s contact information.  Sing it sistah!

     3.) Lastly, I would lower the salaries of most celebrities, athletes, and politicians. Many of these fools have so much money they don’t even know what to do with it. I mean, how many freaking cars does one person really need? I would take their cut salaries and apply them to people who actually make a difference like teachers, librarians, scientists, charities, etc.  Amen and Hallelujah! to pass it on to 3 people that I would like to see help dominate the world and blogs in general.
(BTW - these are in no particular order so don't anyone get their panties in a bunch!)

Anne Dickens of the day after yesterday -   Really there are very few people in the world that I would share this power with, but since she is family (in a sisters separated at birth kinda way) I think a little nepotism is in order.  Between the 2 of us the world would definitely be a hell of a lot funnier place to live.  One on each side of the pond distributes the insanity nicely I think!  =)

Alejandro Guzman of Raising Amelie - Because he is frankly one of the funniest guys I know, and probably the only one of my readers who might actually cry if I didn't bestow him with an Overlord Award.  =)  I lurve him though, and he and his blog is absolutely worthy.  Of course, there is always the chance that he might use his power for evil rather than good, so keep looking over your shoulders.

Cheryl of The Art of Being Conflicted - I read a LOT of funny stuff.  Mainly because I feel it appropriate to take a rest from keeping myself amused every so often.  She does this in spades (and she's nice to me when it comes to my picture taking skills which helps her case *snort*).  Her blog is very tongue in cheek, dry, and one of the funnest places for me to stop when I need a break from my version of the real world.  She is also going to think that she's getting this because she mentioned recently she's never gotten an award before.  However, I knew while I was away that Asha had bestowed this award on me, and she was one of the first people that I thought of.  So Cheryl...use your new found Overlordess status wisely!  =)

.... and last but by no means least ....

Lola of Lola Is 40 - Actually Lola isn't 40...she's muuuuuuch older than that and me!  =)  Ok....not so much, but when she reads this I'm sure I'll be able to hear her squeal in indignation all the way up here in the middle of nowhere.  In any case, if you've never been to visit Lola, you really should.  I am one of her most dedicated stalkers, or is it stalkers that needs to be medicated?  I don't know.  Anyway, I know that she's hilarious, has great hair, is shallow, and worships at the Google alter for all of the math needs of her children because she's as bad at math as I am.  Actually, she's probably better.  She could actually remember part of the formula for a circle.  The other reason for giving this award to her, other than the fact that I love her in an entirely creepy fashion though not at the same level of creepy as the porn guy in Utah, is because her use of the title Overlordess will make for one hell of a ride for the rest of us!  =) that pretty well covers the house keeping that needed to be done while I was way.  Be sure to visit all of these lovely folks mentioned here, and tell them I said "Hi"

Next on the trip.  I finally took the leap and got my hair cut so there will be a post on that.  I also took some notes during the drive down and the drive back home, and I will also put a post up of the actual reason we went on the business trip.  Friday moment will be back and will be a shot from the trip as well.  Next week, barring Alejandro going nuts with his Overlord Award, we should be back on schedule with all of the weekly crazy that I can find!

Happy days are here again!  =)

Jewell  =)  xo


Nelieta said...

Well done on your award! That is excellent and your post had me in stitches! LOL..great..loved it! Can I open that bottle of champagne now???

alejandro guzman said...

I thank the! Now i banish you! Hey being an Overlord has it's perks.

Yet I could change my mind,,, maybe?


And I feel humbled yet my head is heavy for my shoulders

Anonymous said...

Jewell! You are so awesome! I'm speechless (said as I pull my impromptu speech that I carry with me for such emergencies out of my pocket) Thanks for the award and the shout out! I will work on my "Overlord" post asap. Three changes and three fav. blogs, huh? Done. So when do I get my crown? It's in the mail, right? Scepter? Who am I kidding...I have my own.

Jewell said...

Nelieta...thanks for dropping by, and I'm so glad I was able to bring some laughter to your day! By all means, crack open that champagne! =)

HA - A...I'm an Overlordess, so you can't banish me. And I hereby declare (somehow that went completely Scarlette O'Hara on me) that since I gave you the award I can take it away from you for being bad. So watch it!

Lola! Lola! Lola! Outside of the public pronouncement of something that you already get nothing else! You'll have to dust off one of your tiaras and take the boys clothes off of the scepter and get to work! =)

Cheryl said...

Jewell, (me clutching my hand over my heart, tears welling up in my left eye) I am honored. Really I am. Overlordess, doesn't that have a lovely ring to it.

Where is an acceptance speech when you need it? I think when we talked about the award thing, I mentioned I would go into a coma...........swoon..... I will revive in awhile and work on the questions at hand.

Jewell, you really are the best. Thanks for the kind words about my humble blog.

Jewell said...

*looks at the theatrics* Cheryl, is your right eye broken? Why doesn't that one well up? Are you only faking being honored? Or are you only 1/2 honored and that's why only one eye is welling up? =)

No thanks needed, sweetie! This is a no bullshit zone, and I speak things the way I see them. That goes for your wonderful blog! =) xo

Annie (Lady M) x said...

BLOODY HELL! You gave me an award! How cool is that? Coming from you my dear, that is a true honour indeed. mwahhhhhxxxx I am just off to celebrate with a cocktail 'wink'!

Jewell said...

LOL many cocktails did you celebrate with prior to actually receiving the award?? *snort* =) xo

Cheryl said...

hi again, Jewell,

I am 100 percent honored. The reason only one eye tears up is that it looks way cooler. Very dramatic being able to squeeze tears out of only one side of your face. (think of Johnny Depp in Cry Baby)

Jewell said...

LOL Cheryl...Ahhh...gotcha! Practicing your acting chops eh? =) In that case BRAVA!! =) Well done! =)

BornStoryteller said...

Hi Jewel..thank you again for letting me play in your front yard. It was fun. I'll be happy to set up a play date again sometime.

Congrats on the award!

Jewell said... are more than welcome! =) If you are a good boy I might let you play in the backyard with the swing set on your next play date! =)

BornStoryteller said...

Oooooooooo...good boys get favor. :)

Jewell said...

lol - they do. Super good boys might actually be able to USE the swing set. =)