Tuesday, April 12, 2011

My fantasticalness and something I found-ish

I am going to preface this post with an overly lengthy disclaimer!

I'm sick.

*mumble* *grumble*

Shut it! And NO! I don't mean I am mentally ill! You people already know that's the case. The fact is I have a cold that's trying to kick my ass, and, coincidentally, is the not so distant cousin of the one that almost made me commit hari kari in December. This one has been working on me since last Wednesday, so by Friday I gave in and went to the Doctor so that I could get over it quicker.

However, something sad happened when I went to the Doctor's office (Yes the your tiniest violin is in order for this, so I will wait while you retrieve yours...back?  ok...good!  It's about time, slackers!) so I could get something to kick back at this cold. He gets done sticking things in my ears, nose, and throat. Asking me questions not once, but twice. Then, turns around and writes his nasty, judgmental little notes about the orifices located in my head and asks, "Do you need a note for work?"

Now, mind you, my first reaction was to laugh. Why? Because, my immediate reaction would have probably been to cry, AND because I have never been one to master the pretty cry. Instead I have the certificate to prove that I am the official world record holder in the Guinness World Record Book for "World's Ugliest, Put a Plastic Bag Over Her Head and Make Her STOP Crier" So rather than terrify the poor Doctor with a visual like that (especially since he hadn't yet handed me my prescriptions), I opted to laugh.

I work for myself. Well, on paper I actually work for the husband him. I told the Doctor that and he sat there and laughed at me. WTF? If he hadn't been holding on to my prescriptions as he doubled over with laughter (thereby burying them somewhere in the folds of stomach and doctor's coat), tears creating a puddle on the floor, and cracking his head on the little counter I would have kicked him in the shins. HARD. Bastard!

I also would have huffed in indignation at my treatment once getting the prescriptions in my fevered little hands, but there's an excellent chance the only thing that I would have accomplished would have been slime-ing the office, and my prescriptions, in snot like something out of Ghost Busters! I decided against it because I didn't want to get arrested for assault slimed prescriptions might put off the pharmacist from filling them and giving me my badly needed drugs.  You may now "Oooo!" and "Ahhhh!" at the quality of my restraint in such matters.

So anyway...I'm sick. If any all of this doesn't make sense....bite me. Nahner!

So first things first.

I was blessed with yet another award!


*big shit eating grin*

This time I received the Versatile Blogger Award from

Some of you might know that I am an aspiring photographer.  If you didn't have prior knowledge of this....consider yourself informed!  I love taking photos (which is why all you lovelies get beat with at least one of them every Friday), and a dream is to be able to make money from them.

So, while I am not there (yet), I have guilty, chocolate like pleasures when it comes to good photography.  I can sit for hours looking at awe inspiring photos.  Jim and his wife pay their bills in Florida by taking beautiful wedding photos, but my favorites are the nature photos that Jim posts.  His pictures are absolutely amazing....  If you've never been over to visit his blog, and you love beautiful photos...Jim's blog is a must stop!!

Thank you Jim!  I am honored that you consider my little corner of insanity a "Jewell in the blog universe".

Now, on to the thing that I found-ish.  I was recently digging through some old photos I had taken.  During the dig I ran across a not particularly good picture I had taken with the husband him's camera during one of our many jaunts down to Arkansas to pad the pockets of our chiropractor.

The area has a huge lake, and everywhere you look on the way to the chiro's office there are resorts, signs for boat docks, hand tied lures, gas stations, rentals, blah, blah, blah.  This sign was located at one of those gas stations, and every time we drove by I'd laugh my fool head off at some of the stuff that would wander, unheeded, through my head when I saw it.  Yes!  I tend to amuse myself from time to time!

"What the hell did the minnows do to you?  Maybe the minnows think you are crappi!"

"And why sell crappi minnows?"

"Why the hell would you charge $.59/dozen for crappi minnows?"

"Why not get excellent minnows and charge $1.59 for 6 minnows?"

"You want to know what's crappi?  Your marketing!"

So anyway...there's all I've got. 

And no...there are no refunds on the time you lost sitting there reading this post!  Suck it up!

Jewell  =)  xo


Cheryl said...

Hi Jewell, So sorry that those nasty germs are kicking your ass. I know what you mean about that whole self employed thing. I, too, work for myself and no matter what you are needing (medication, validation, recognition, absolution) the minute there isn't an EMPLOYER listed people are suspicious. What is that about?

Hope you recover quickly. I envy your ablilty for photography. Even the crappi minnow sign is cool.

Annie (Lady M) x said...

Eh up nutbag! I thought that you were feeling better after reading your facebook? Have you deteriorated? My advice to you is get pissed and you will forget you are ill!

Congratulations on your award!! It is well deserved indeed. Your photographs are fabuloso!

Save me a crappi minnow wontcha?! LOL!

Asha said...

Damn, I hope you feel better. Please don't send me your cooties but if you like I can divise a list of people I'd like to make sick this month.

Bodacious Boomer said...

Sorry that you've got the miseries kiddo. I'm sending some healing vibes your direction.

Jewell said...

Cheryl...I know what you mean. The self employed thing tends to raise an eyebrow. What do they think I'm doing...cooking meth to support my Oxy habit? Hmmm.....now that I think about it...that might actually not be too far off mark around these parts. =)

Annie...well I had finally gotten rid of the fever, but the cold is still hanging on like a snotty leach. And if I *did* save you a crappi minnow when the hell would you ever get it? As far as I know you don't go any further in the US of A than Florida...which, I think, I might start taking personally! =) HA!

Asha...I can honestly say this is the first time I've ever been offered a job as a secret biological weapon! And only this month? Exactly how many people would you put on this list anyway? LOL

BB...thanks and much appreciated! I'm about as sick of being sick as I can be.... there are so many other things that I would rather do than keep my nose buried in my kleenex box! =)

YogaSavy said...

the sound of silence is beautiful on my side now I know why!
Oh right you are sick! Yeah heard that one b4
Take care sweet dreams....

Jewell said...

lol - Savira! I treasure the sound of silence when I get a chance to hear it beyond everything going on around me! =) Thanks for the congrats! xoxo

Asha said...

I usually have a few lists...one reoccuring monthly list is "females I'd like to punch in the ovaries". People piss me off...frequently.

Jewell said...

Oh YEAH! Now I remember why I started stalking you...it was your mean streak that made me love you! =) lol

alejandro guzman said...

sick schmick get up and take a photo!

Preferably of snot on walls

And congrats again even boy I need to complain to someone about this.


hansi said...

Get Well Soon

Jewell said...

LOL - A....Sorry but I think you are going to have to be disappointed by not getting a snot on the walls picture! Oh...and complaints....you see that little itsy bitsy so small you can't hardly see it box over there? That's the complaint box...feel free to fill out a form and put it in there. I check it about every 15 or 20 years or so. =)

Hansi...thanks! =) xo

jessica Brant said...

I hope you are feeling better now it is almost friday.

Jewell said...

Jess...think I'm finally getting there! xoxo =)

Widow_Lady302 said...

Well, I knew a while back after an exchange of txts that you were not feeling well, and since I am late to the party...(aren't I always) I know you are feeling better now and stuck in fancy duds in some hell hole bidness place. On that note, I also know you never bite the hand of the script holder...the force is strong with you for not telling him to get effed! <3

Jewell said...

LOL - the force huh? Maybe so...I was just thinking that it was my pure desperation that was keeping me from turning his head into bowling ball! =)