Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I really, really, REALLY hope this is fake - sorta

The husband him and I met over the internet back when I was in college, and back when the internet was Telnet.

And YES....at one time I was geeky enough to know enough code and command line prompts that I could actually use Telnet.  Thanks to the Devil and his farts...I've officially been dumbed down like the rest of the PC using society.  Pretty sure at this point, were I confronted with Telnet, I'd just end up drowning my keyboard in drool like some big sweaty ape of a man OD'ing on internet porn.

It was also at a time when, in the Chicago area, there was a serial killer meeting girls on the internet and burying them in the back yard.  Needless to say, my parents weren't OVERLY thrilled with the idea that I was actually moving to be with this guy.  However, in retrospect, the reason they probably put a boot up my ass to get me out of the state didn't put up too much of a fuss was because he was in Las Vegas and not Chicago.  I'd like to think that they might have put up more of a fight to keep me alive if the pre-husband him had lived in Chicago.

In any case, outside of the internet and a bar, I don't really know if video dating was really a real way to meet people for dates.  Having grown up in a fairly rural part of the state at all times, after a while video dating just wouldn't cut it.  I mean there aren't really that many varieties to the (a) down home hick sucking on a piece of grass one minute and spitting his chaw on your shoe and tipping the neighbor's cow the next and (b) guys from "the other side of the tracks" who insisted on wearing black leather trench coats, in 90 degree temps with 90% humidity that smoked "cigarettes" and drove cool cars.

That being said, the husband him sent me this video clip.  I have to say that I am about 89.9999% convinced that it's a fake, but, since I am continually shocked at the mental incapacity of stupid people, I still have hearty faith there are awesome video dating application tapes floating around out there somewhere!  Regardless...it cracked me up, and, had my parents been charged with setting me up in an arranged marriage with either this guy or the pre-husband him...they still would have picked the pre-husband him (I hope)!  =)


Jewell  =)  xo


Annie (Lady M) x said...

Aww Jewell, that was WELL funny me dear! I laughed me head off. Sad thing is that I am actually considering him as a suitor after being single for two years. I am sure I can tame him. LOL!

Jewell said...

Oh my word Annie! Please tell me you aren't to that point where this guy is starting to look good!!! Don't make me come up with some expensive and unique way to make you see the light about how this guy is sooooo not good enough for you!!!! =)

Jenn said...

What the f---?

Oh that was a trip!! At first I felt sorry for the stuttering chap...then he got all excited I thought he might wet his pants or something....he he he he!

You done did good twin! Made my day!

Hansi said...

Girls,girls,girls,girls,girls! Surely you can do better than that. That's got to be a joke, and if not, a quality vibrator would provide a more lasting relationship than that fool. Not all men are pieces of shit :)

Anonymous said...

Give this guy a do over! "Height is in the eye of the beholder..." Good one! I know a few people who have met their significant other on the net and gotten married, so it must be ok!

Jewell said...

Jenn...I know what you mean...I almost felt sorry for him too, but he had a couple zingers in there that wiped that out! =)

LMAO @Hansi - Oh damn! That was brilliant! =) The vibrator can be a fantastic companion...it's the batteries that determine how long the relationship lasts! =)

Sweepy...Wasn't that height thing awesome!? That one cracked me up too! =)

alejandro guzman said...

OK ummm yeah... that's real. never truer words have been said, "I don't need to rummage through the dumpster for a Playboy!!!!!"

Cheers A

Bodaciousboomer said...

I would've believed that til the whole falling off the chair bit.

Still it's was funny. Thanks.

Jewell said...

lol - A...no I imagine his Playboys are still securely located under the mattress at his Mom's house! =)

BB - I know...that is the point where I began to think that it wasn't real too, but damned if I couldn't stop laughing anyway =)

Finding One's Way said...


I was in until he started going bananas. lo
Very funny

Jewell said...

lol - yeah, he lost me there too but the lead up was priceless! =)

Nicki said...

Holy shit that was hysterical!!!!!!!! Thanks for the laugh!!!!!!!

Widow_Lady302 said...

I needed that!! You have no idea...just none seriously. May I never get that needy, but the prospects of it are looking good I will *sigh* Love ya JEw-jew!

Jewell said...

Nicki...you are welcome as always! =)

Lis...love you too girlie!! You could NEVER be that needy! That funny absolutely, but never that needy! =) xo

Ron said...

The poor boy needs a good hug, but be careful...he'll probably follow you home and sleep on the porch.

If it's real I feel bad for him because in 10 years he'll be making the same video...just look older. ;)

Jewell said...

lmao - well, pardon me if I opt to not be the first one that gives him a hug! Maybe he should try hugging himself first! =)

Dave said...

The wife and I met on the Net, in a chat room of all places. But I do remember Telnet! Barely.

The wife said that the pictures I sent her made me look really bad, but she just thought to herself "You know, maybe it's just a bad picture."

I probably wouldn't be married if I'd done a video! I feel for the guy.

Well, not really. But kinda.

You've got a new follower!

Jewell said...

Hi Dave and welcome! =) Glad to have you aboard! Hang on...it tends to get a bit bumpy around here! =)

Dave said...

Can't be any bumpier than mine. :)

I'm used to it.

*grabs hold anyway*