Monday, February 28, 2011

Mugshot Monday (two-fer) 2/28/11

So this week I have a Mugshot Monday Two-fer special, folks!  This spitwad is a two-fer because I couldn't really decide if he belonged on Mugshot Monday or if he belonged in this week's Media Hilarity.

However, because he's licking the windows special (and his mugshot isn't bad either), he gets to start your week off the right way.  Enjoy our special little friend.  Apparently his momma didn't remind him to wear his helmet when he went out the door that morning!

As always, you be the judge...

Jewell  =)  xo

Friday, February 25, 2011

Friday Moment 2/25/2011

A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week .. some time ago

A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember

Have a beautiful weekend!!!

Jewell  =)  xo

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Psych!!! =-p

Ok folks, today's blog day is a little different.  Ron of If I Had A Blog! let me in to make a mess of his sandbox, and while I was there I decided that I should try scaring away some of his readers with a guest post.  He really should know better than to turn his back on me for any length of time by now, but, if he hadn't learned already, I'm sure this post put him in his place.  =)

So...if you want a fresh, extremely large, dose of my insanity you need to visit his sandbox.  Go!  Go Now!

For those of you who've already been subjected to that, and are still stupid brave willing to visit  my website, here's a Thursday Chuckle! to tide you over until tomorrow!  =)

Ummm...a little slow on the uptake aren't we??  *bangs head on wall*

Have an awesome day!!  =)

Jewell  =)  xo

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Media Hilarity - 2/23/11

Oh...this week's are awesome!  I'm uber proud of the morons of the world for making my life a little brighter this week!  =)  Enjoy!  =)

Malaysia police nab 3 for stealing 725,000 condoms  Ok...not even with a little blue pill  would you EVER need this many condoms...REALLY!   Wouldn't the have been better off with $725k in singles??  Morons!

Driver's dog helps Oregon deputy make drug bust   And this is EXACTLY why diamonds are a girl's best friend....guys you really need to get a clue (or stop doing / growing / selling drugs)!  =)

Wife stops tiger attack with wooden soup ladle  My mother used to whoop my butt with a wooden spoon until the day she wanted to get her point across, went into the kitchen, opened THAT drawer, and slammed the spoon on the kitchen counter and broke it.  I planted my ass faster than it could take for me to spit.  For some reason, I'm thinking that this tiger would have sooooo been up shit creek if that woman had been my mother!  =)  Bahahahaha!!

Man found watching porn after break-in   Uh - huh!  Ok dude, whatever.  I'm just glad I wasn't the Rookie officer that had to frisk you before you got your free ride to the pokey (oh - and in case you were wondering, yes...every single pun is intended with the use of that word).  =)

Snowplow chases suspected purse snatcher   Probably faster than chasing the bad guy while riding a giant tortoise, but waaaay more effective.  Holla to all the private snow plow driver super heroes!  This guy is awesome, and the idiot probably needed new drawers by the time the Po-po showed up to "rescue him".LOL  (Oh...and if you read this article, which I highly advise, don't click the link to the 911 call in the article...I tried.  They must have taken it down.)

Have a chucklelicious day!

Jewell  =)  xo

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

It's Ron's fault...go step on his toes

Ok...this is a serious post, and it's probably going to be laden with less than lady like language (SHOCKER!).  So, if you don't feel like plowing through this, then feel free to visit Ron over at If I Had A Blog and step on his toes.  I'm sure he can handle the onslaught.  =)

Anywho...I'm sure some of you bloggers out there are aware of a guy that's out there spamming blogs in the comments about his hate filled blog about American women.

Apparently, I've recently reached the ranks of the popular people because he hit my blog too.  Some bloggers have blogged about it, others allowed the comment through but say nothing on it, and some, like myself, have probably relegated him to the spam folder and moved on.

Without going into overly much detail on the content of his comment, and his blog (as I haven't visited to read any of his posts), bash on American women as cheaters, fat, ungrateful, child fearing (and the list actually goes on) beings.  He claims to be an American "man".

A couple of the blogs that I visit on a regular basis have opted to comment about this fuckwit (thanks Alejandro for that one...I stole it!  *snicker*). 

Ron of If I Had A Blog...a funny, satirical post complete with stats that make your head spin. =)

Megan of Sugary Cynicism...a funny, deliciously immature, swear word laden post that is more my general thought process on any subject that pisses me off.  =)

However, it's Ron's comments on his post that caused him and I to get into a bit of a discussion...and a serious one at that.  (FOR SHAME on both of us!)

Our discussion actually started when I was in the truck and typed the thumb powered version of War and Peace on my smarter than me phone.  Can anyone say "thumb cramp"?  Good...cuz both of mine were.

Here's Ron's comment to comments made on his post (slightly edited for personal messages to previous commentors)...
"I just wanted to let everyone know that I did go back and delete the comment. I wanted to leave it up as a reference for the sake of this post, but I don’t want to encourage curious traffic to his blog. I appreciate all of your comments and my purpose [other than comedic relief] was to create a large enough thread to push his blog down the search listings…The Art of War.
Personally it is against my nature to ignore such things. There is enough hate and violence on this planet and ignoring it hoping it will go away to me is a foolish notion. I probably don’t need to sight history to remind us of horrible things that were allowed to happen because it was ignored. I will fight words with words because that is who I am." ...

"In the end, there is a difference between ignoring something and showing support for an opposing view. I don’t advocate or support violence and every voice has a right to be heard…I just want our voice to a little louder."

My response (slightly edited for my own silliness)...
"I have to agree with some of what you said. However where I disagree is letting this guys message out enough that people can do a search for him on the internet. For those willing to look it wouldn't take much for a search engine to pull up his link for those that want to read the hate he wants to spew. I refuse to address his crap publicly (passively or aggressively) and risk sending those agreeable to him. He has his forum, his blog, but he's not going to come into my "home" and spew his hate any more than I would allow a KKK member anywhere near me without a bullet between the eyes.

He has the right of free speech, which is part of the reason I haven' t reported him to his blogging forum of choice, but I have the right to not allow him on mine. If he wants to come and spew his hate at me because I am a strong, independent, smart, beautiful AMERICAN woman he is more than welcome to be skewered lavishly by me for his efforts."

And his response back that finally pushed me to a post because I felt like it (slightly edited for Ron's own silliness)...  =)

"Jewell - I do very much appreciate your comment but again, now that his link is deleted from this site, my point was to address the issue, encourage comment and therefore create searchable content opposing his view that obscures him on search engines. Rather than ignore him, I chose to bury him, and I have found today that it is working."

"I will say that ignoring things offers horrible circumstance, sans Holocaust and 911. Ignoring is ignorance, and I will not participate in that mindset..."

Ok - so that's the basics of my discussion with Ron...

Now, I know Ron.  He wouldn't at all give more life to people like this.  He's just not that way, and his moral standards are significantly higher than mine (in most cases), so I applaud him on his post and his publishing and subsequent removal of the comment. 

While I don't think that Ron is calling me ignorant (or at least he best not be or I'll take out all of his toes in one fell swoop all by my lonesome *wink*), the words ignorance and ignorant are what keep plucking my rebuttal nerve.  I agree...self imposed ignorance is absolutely inexcusable. To live your life with your head in the sand, unconscionable and irresponsible.

However, because I chose not to publish this guy's comment (or posting any kind of additional noise to see who can piss a straighter line) is not ignoring nor ignorant in my opinion.  As I mentioned in my comment above, my blog is my "home" on the internet.  This guy's blog is his "home" on the internet.  I tolerate hatred from no one (especially that which lumps groups in broad stroke generalizations), and I am not going to allow this donkey fucking, slushy slug penis blow hard permission to steal my rusted soap box to add to his collection.  He will have his followers, and I will not be one of them, but nor will I willingly help people find him which is why I chose to relegate his spam comment to the spam folder.

I believe in fighting the good fight, I don't believe in (always) crawling to someone else's level in order to find one.  Especially since this fucktard doesn't want a fight because the grapevine report is that he doesn't allow comments on his vomit (a.k.a. blog posts). 

I believe that he has every right in the universe to believe what he wants, think what he wants, say what he wants.  It doesn't mean that, having read the generalized spam comment he left on my blog, that I have to agree with (or read) anything that he has to say.  Nor does it mean that he has any right to come into my "home" and proselytize his hatred. 

It doesn't make me ignorant, nor does it indicate that I am ignoring him.  It simply means that this vital, independent, slightly cushy and not fat, most days happily married, childless woman for reasons that he would never be able to wrap his 1/12 of a brain cell around, AMERICAN woman who bleeds red, white, and blue every day of my damned life for the love of my country, and the countries of so many of my friends, because of the ignorance I was guilty of on 9/11, chooses not to invite him into my "home" to spew vile hatred that is of no good to anyone...including him in his wretched cockroach infested basement existence.  His comment was enough to educate me about what I would find on his blog, I don't need to visit, to immerse myself in anymore hatred than I do 12 - 16 hrs a day every day to do my part in helping to protect the other innocent people (including idiots like this guy) of the world.

Education is the key to shedding ignorance.  I am educated, and I know that he, and others like him, are out there.  I know to keep my eyes open for any threat or harm he brings to, woman, or child. What I won't do is allow him to publish a comment on my blog, that has nothing to do with me outside of what I have or have not between my legs and where we live, and then expect to get free advertising out of it.

If Mr. Anonymous wants to look in the couch springs to extricate his nuts, and leave a comment (complete with his name) attacking me (or anyone else I know) personally, I'll be more than happy to go word to word with him.  I'd even be more than happy to slither may way down to his level in order to shove his head so far up his ass he'd find the aliens he's been trying to communicate with through his aluminum foil hat. 

While ignorance is inexcusable, in the end, I think that there is merit to both of our overall arguments.  Ron wants to use the vast voices of the internet to smother this guy's linkability (and I guess he's tricked me *snort* into aiding his efforts by doing this post).  However, I believe, there's also merit in not fanning his blogging flame by providing him a platform or offering up a reaction to his hatred either.  Maybe the answer is a combination of both sides.  In any case, I guess my Art of War is different than Ron's...and yet Ron is crafty enough to shove me into a post.  Keep an eye on him...he's apparently more shifty than I first expected!  =)

Now...that's enough time spent on this idiot.  Back to the regularly scheduled insanity tomorrow =)

Jewell  =)  xo

Monday, February 21, 2011

Mugshot Monday 2/21/11

So I am not really sure what kind of audition this guy thought his free tricked out limo ride was for, but he looks like he's trying to do a "Watchoo talkin' 'bout Willis?" in the style of Mike Tyson, pretending he doesn't have a Michael Jackson voice, practicing his gangsta impression....

I don't be the judge!  =)

Jewell  =)  xo

Friday, February 18, 2011

Friday Moment 2/18/2011

A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week .. some time ago

A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember

Have a stunning weekend my lovelies  =)

Jewell  =)  xo

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Thursday Chuckles - 2/17/11

Wow!  I think I visited there pretty much every day of grade school!

This is the last known photo of Shep...poor Shep!

LMAO - To my male readers :: is the Wrongest scenario something you encounter in visits to the urinal?

I say this to my cats and their pithy sneak attacks too...huh!  =)

FINALLY!  A resort that has a "Guest Season"!  Sign me up!
Take time to laugh...or if you are visiting this resort this summer, RUN!

Jewell  =)  xo

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Media Hilarity - 2/16/2011 life would be so dark and depressing if there weren't idiots like these to make me laugh and to creep me out...

Chickens banned from crossing road   Hmmm...I guess we'll never know the answer if they can't cross the road to tell us.  Way to go Australia!  =-p

Farmington Man Called 911 with Question About Growing Marijuana   Oh yeah...pretty sure this one licked the windows when he was growing up.  What a shit head!

Junk food makes woman have orgasms   Hey...I'm all about the chocolate and embracing my muffin top, but I love no food this much!  And please, whoever might be listening, please, PLEASE, don't let me ever sit next to this woman in a McDonald's!!  I would never be able to restrain myself from blogging about this...never!  Oh - and lest I forget this other thought.... Eeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!  (and PPS.  what the fuck is up with that picture????)

Driving instructor hits train in north Russia   Awesome!  Do Russian's have car insurance requirements?  If they do, I'm pretty sure this idiot would probably be required to pay 10x his premium AND get a public flogging.

And from the files that comfort me and keep me warm at night about how well things will go for me in my golden years...

Teen Burglar Kills Goldfish Because He Didn't Want To Leave Any Witnesses, Cops Say   Oh yeah...I'm so fucked!

Awesomeness to all of you!  =)

Jewell =)  xo

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Valentine's Day and More of my awesomeness wide Hallmark Insanity Day is OVER!  Did you get your free hug yourself jacket?  I's reeeally pretty...bright fire engine red with lots-o-bling and everything!  Way more stylish than my old one...I'll be rockin' that bad boy for at least another year!  Woo!  *snort* =)

The husband him and I celebrated the day in fine fashion if I do say so myself.  We've been married *cough* years now, and, because our love is as fresh as the day we were married, we opted to go to the chiropractor and get ourselves put back together for the big day.

*collective gasp*

What?  I said our love was as fresh as the day we were married, I didn't say that our bodies were as fresh!  Of course, he showered me with the traditional balloons, flowers, chocolate and a beautiful card, but the finest ending to the day was when he fixed me a dinner of Shrimp Scampi.  He wasn't happy with it, but if he hadn't eaten all of his I would have smacked him, taken his plate and scarfed up his portion too.  That's MISS Piggy to you, thank you very much! 

Now, it seems that my awesomeness is becoming an entity of it's own, because, you guessed it, I received another award. 

*collective groan*

Oh shut it you haters!  You know you are happy for me (again)!  =-p

My buddy BB over at Bodacious Boomer said that at the rate my awesomeness is growing I would need an airport hanger to house my head. I guess I must have married into the right family, because, while getting in a plane is not something that will probably happen again in this particular lifetime, I did marry into a family of pilots.  Such a family has it's benefits, one of which airport hanger!  Score!  I'll be changing my address forthwith, and make sure to pass it on so you guys don't miss me too much.  =)  HA!

Anywho, my loverly bloggy buddy Asha over at Random Ramblings of an Agnostic Mom passed me another award. (She likes me!  She really, REALLY likes me!  Maybe even in that creepy crazy sort of way...awesome!)

This time she passed me the Stylish Blogger Award.  Not sure exactly what about me is stylish, but I'm thinking she must have conspired with the husband him on my hug myself jacket!  =)

So here are the rules for this award...

   1. Link back to the person that gave you the award.

   2. Share three things about myself. (Originally there were 7, but Asha changed it to 8 because she has a thing with odd numbers, so just to pluck one of her nerves I changed it to 3.  Muwahahaha!)

   3. Pass out the award to ten other bloggers I'm currently following. (Crap!  Do I even know 10 other bloggers that I follow!?  Fucking pressure!)

   4. Let them know that you have passed this curse on to them.

Ok - so three things about me...

   1.  I cuss A LOT!

   2.  I hate stupid people regardless of age, sex, race, socio-economic status, religion, etc.  (Yeah...I'm an equal opportunity hater like that!)

   3.  I got some work done on my basement this weekend, and I am so sore at this point that breathing is almost painful.  *groan*

Yeah - see Asha's rules didn't specify that I actually say anything about myself that you didn't already know!  =-p  So.....nahner! nahher! nahnert dole out this lushious award to 10 other lovely, well deserving people.  Yeah, screw that...I'm picking 8 because picking 10 would force me to give the award back to Asha, and partly as a concession because she's probably having an itchy fit because I used an odd number up above.  Of course, knowing the way she operates, she'd just throw it back at me and make me do this all over again.  =) 

Now - who to pick....who to pick!  These, of course, are in no particular order, so don't anyone get their panties in a bunch over who ended up where.  It's a blog award people, not a seating arrangement at a White House dinner.

Brahm of alfred lives here
   While we don't frequently agree on stuff political, we do frequently agree that NCIS is awesome and NCIS L.A. is a crock of shit and other equally worldly important issues.  =)

BB of Bodacious Boomer
   I have nothing to say here about BB other than she is one of the coolest, most awesome, down to earth, politically incorrect, no bullshit funny people I've ever had the pleasure of reading...I adore her passionately!  =)

Alejandro of Raising Amelie
   A single dad, with a beautiful young daughter, he's easily one of the funniest guys I've had the privilege of reading.....he also has smart ass tendencies which makes him that much more adorable in my eyes.  =)

Lisa of The Widow Lady
   A wonderful woman, with a sick (on multiple levels including the definition of sick that means "awesome") sense of humor.  She writes a significantly serious blog about the loss of a loved one, and provides a soft place to fall for those that are grieving over the loss of a loved one.  She's an incredible woman that I love dearly.  =)

Alan of Tbaoo
   Easily one of my favorite Australians.  He has a traditional fantastic Aussie sense of humor, he's currently a student of "Don't lump all American's into one big sorry category, dammit!" class.  Currently he's rating a B-/C+  He's getting better!  =)

Annie of the day after yesterday
   There is nothing that I can say about her here that I haven't said about her in other posts...she's crazy, she's pee in my pants hilarious, and I'm convinced that we were seperated at birth because the doctors feared what would have happened to the world if we had been left together.  =)

Ron of If I had a Blog....
   Another man with spectacular sense of humor, and, though I love him like a long lost father, I'm convinced that some of his views of the world were significantly damaged by getting dropped on his head multiple times in life.  However, knowing he has a strong background with his Grandfather's awesome bits of wisdom, there's still hope for him - especially now that he's a Grandfather in his own right.  =)

Savira of Live Laugh Breathe
   If you ever need a sense of zen, Savira is your lady.  She's a beautiful soul, who definitely doesn't give herself enough credit in the humor department.  She's has a bright, beautiful soul that shines into the depths of your darkness.  Oh!  And she's not bad at yoga too!  *wink*  =)

Back to the regularly scheduled insanity tomorrow!  =)

Jewell =) xo

Monday, February 14, 2011

A tip for guys on Valentine's Day...

I hope all of you have a happy *wink wink* Valentine's Day today!  =)

Before I head out to "celebrate" (by going to get put back together by the chirpractor) with the love of my life, and since I'm all about the love, caring, sharing, and all that other bullshit courtesy of this Hallmark spin day, I'm leaving this tip in my wake for the majority of guys as something NOT to do for your significant other.  Well, unless your significant other is a face first, stumbling lush, then it might something that could get you laid.  If not though, I'm fairly certain giving this gift could result in a black eye, stitches from shattered glass, and blue balls.

Have a shagtastic day folks!  =)  *snicker*

Jewell  =)  xo

Friday, February 11, 2011

Test Post for Commentors Who Get Errors's come to my attention that some of my readers are getting errors when they try to leave comments on my blog (and other blogs hosted with Blogger).  So this is a test post to muck around with my comment form. 

If any of you loverlies have had problems leaving me a comment, please try with the current set up to see if you keep getting errors.  =)

Bowing in my presence is still mandatory!!

Bow before my awesomeness, my loverlies, because IT's happened again!  *hands you your sunglasses again*

"No!  Not AGAIN! " I hear you cry out in despair.

But...oh Yes!  I have been presented with yet ANOTHER award! *Jersey Shore-esque fist pump (1)

This time the sucker devotee that presented me with this award is my new lovely, sassy, cheeky probably slightly sloshed blog worshiper friend Asha at Random Ramblings of an Agnostic Mom.  Now, as best as I can tell, this isn't just ANY award.  Oh no!  No normal, rule laden award for me!  Instead, it seems, that this lovely hilarious illustrious award has been made especially for my particular brand of bullshit awesomeness by Ms Asha herself!!!

*collective groan* 

Shut it!  No pissing in my cornflakes!  *huff*  Ingrates!

I now present you with the Twin Award, or maybe it's the "We're both a little crazy but you just put your make-up on better." Award. *Psst?! - whispers conspiratorially - I don't think she really knows either*

Ok, now since Asha didn't put any kind of rules on the award (I don't think), I am going to put a rule on it (*points at self* Rebel!).  I will hand this uber special award out to one other person.  However, who I dish this award out to has to be someone that you, my lovely readers, suggest.  Any suggestions you make must follow these little guidelines....

1.  The blog you suggest can't be your own....
2.  The blog you suggest must be one that you think *I* would enjoy reading...and doesn't appear in my blog roll over there ------------------>....somewhere or another....
3.  The blog you suggest has to make me laugh.  I work hard to come up with things to make you guys laugh, so it's your turn to make me laugh (more than you already do with your usual off the wall comments).  =)

So that's it...leave your suggestions in the comments below this post.  All suggestions need to be in by midnight Tuesday 2/15 so I have time to plow through them.  The winner (unless I get overloaded and behind in checking them out) will be announced next Friday.

Now...go visit my new dear friend, Asha at Random Ramblings of an Agnostic Mom.  It's a new commandment!  Honestly...any random stranger on another blog that supports your twisted point of view...publicly even, comes up with awesome words like "celebritards", AND in her own blog post can generate a rib breaking visual with a word jumble of  "Not to mention somewhere Al Gore is dancing a jig and screaming 'Suck it, bitches!'"  is worth every bit of your love and adoration!  =)

I know she's got mine!  =)

Thanks again, Asha!!!  =) xo

1 Please note...I DO NOT WATCH THE JERSEY SHORE MORONS!  I tend to watch TV shows that don't make me puke...the mere mention of that show...makes me puke....violently!

Have yourself a fantastic weekend my dears!  =)

Jewell  =)  xo

Eh - 50/50

Watching the news, as I do, every day because I have to, the celebration currently going on in Egypt is the non-stop topic.  One of the reporters on Fox News (yes, I have Fox on right now...shove it if you don't like it) bravely (or stupidly) stepped in among the joyful crowd, while his cameraman clearly stood on the roof of a car in Tahrir Square, and asked some of the celebrants some questions.  This one made me laugh....

Reporter:  What do you think of America?  (Really?  Even to me that was a stupid question...this celebration isn't about us...ugh)

Cheerful Egyptian (paraphrased because I can't remember the exact wording):  Eh....50/50.  I love the American people, but not the system that keeps people like Mubarak in power.

All the while, behind the reporter's head, something else that made me laugh.  Another man in the crowd holding up a sign "Mission Accomplished" with a big red heart.  What can I say?  Irony makes me giddy....
Now I know I don't generally use this blog as a place to talk about anything serious.  We make life too serious as it is, and we all need a break - including me.  But, with the jubilation that is going on in Egypt right now, I can't seem to not.  The thoughts and feelings about what is going on over there right now seem to be overwhelming me and I need to get them off my chest.

This moment, their moment, isn't about the left or the right (my normal reaction to either side is "Fuck you and have a seat on that spin your are trying to feed me")'s really about freedom and their need to have a choice in their own lives and the ability to make those lives better for them and their children.  Seeing some of the celebrants being interviewed, their broken English getting even more broken because of their pure, unadulterated joy at seeing all of their hard work succeed, with the stepping down of Mubarak, seriously brought tears to my eyes.

I guess, as Americans (and maybe other countries founded on freedom), we tend to lose a handle on how important freedom really is to us until we see others stand up to find their own.  Think about it.  I wouldn't be here right now if one person in my family hadn't come here to find their own freedom, hadn't wanted to make their life and the lives of their family better.  So I can't help but be touched by the joy of the Egyptian people, at their feeling of success.

However, I am feeling a little bit of 50/50 myself.  While I enjoy the flight of my soul over their success and the hope that all their hard work brings them the freedoms they seek, I can't help but be equally as worried over where this is going to lead.  Granted, Mubarak was no prince (figuratively speaking of course), he, like so many other regimes, didn't treat his country-people properly, but he did help to keep a very volatile area of the world reigned in to some extent. 

I worry for the world.  I worry because of the unknown. The not knowing the what, or whom, will fill the void.  Will there be a replacement that will bring the people what they've sought and fought for so hard?  Or will something dark and ugly slither in, and set more wheels turning that could breed more hate and hurt in a world that needs more heart and healing?

I just don't'm feeling....50/50.  So, I guess I will chose the 50 that brings tears to my eyes for the Egyptian people.  The 50 that has hope that only good will come of all their hard work, their desire, their need for change.  I will focus on the 50 that is good, is hopeful, is joyful.  The other will be there tomorrow.  Tomorrow I can decide which 50 I need to focus on.

My apologies again for 2 posts today, for bringing in the serious, but I needed to get that off my chest.  =)  A happier post later this afternoon (about 4:01 pm CST) please come back for another visit....

Jewell  =)  xo

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Thursday Chuckles - 2/10/11

This is pretty much my question of most people I come across!  I think I was a cat in another life! thanks!  I think I'll have to pass this year.  Maybe next year.  K. Bye!

Somehow I'm not surprised at all if this happens!
I always feel like I'm out numbered in my house...I can't be the only one!

Best punishment...EVER!  Unless you are the idiot that has to wear the outfit I guess.....


And snickers to you too!  =)

Jewell =)  xo

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Media Hilarity - 2/9/11

It's Media Hilarity day folks...enjoy this week's batch of fools run amok! 

     Russian man dead, not sleeping - wife notices on fourth day   Now I know that the husband him tends to sleep a lot...working our work doesn't tend to allow for lounging around and waking up at whatever hours that you want with no consequences, but what - the - fuck? 

     Welfare Cards Can't Be Used At Psychics   Shit!  Is this going to put Miss Cleo out of business?

     Athletes caught smoking pot behind church   Honestly!  The youth of today!  I mean when *I* was a kid such devious things were carried out behind the school bleachers.  What?  Is committing teenage atrocities behind the bleachers too good for children these days!  *shakes head sagely* Tsk!

     Immigration officer sacked for putting wife he didn't like on terror watch list   I have nothing to add to this.  When I saw this title I laughed so hard it brought tears to my eyes.  My question is, though, what hell would this guy do to an EX-wife!?  lmao

     Candy maker recalls Nuclear Sludge chew bars   You have got to be fucking with me?  Really?  I thought that this was a joke when I saw wasn't!  What fucking moron in the U.S. thought "Brilliant!  This ought to sell like gangbusters!  Marketing genius!"  *bangs head on nearest hard surface*  Idiots!  *bang*  Idiots!  *bang*  Idiots!  *bang*

May your funny bone be tickled today!  =)

Jewell  =)  xo

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Today's post brought to you by the phrase: WTF, dude??

I don't even know where to start with this.  You all know that I have NO tolerance for stupid people, and, frankly, they seem to come in all shapes, colors, job titles and economic statuses.  One thing I do have great respect for is our law enforcement.  I had considered, at one time long, long ago, in a time far, FAR away to go into law enforcement.  So, I respect them and all they have to do in order to do their jobs well and safely.  To take on the huge responsibility of protecting and serving.  In fact, this is probably why I love reading Momma Fargo so much.  I can vicariously live my unrealized, non-existent law enforcement career through her blog posts.

That said, I am sure that a few times over the last several years, I'm sure you've probably run across this video online or on your local news.  If you haven't seen this video, I'm putting it here so that you can see it.

Now...when I first saw this video...I laughed.  No really.  

"But that's not respectful!" I hear you exclaim hysterically.

Yeah, I know, but irony - it kinda makes me giddy like that.  (1)

Honestly, if there is SOMEONE that should know what the fuck he's doing with a gun, in an enclosed room with scads of children and their parents....THIS guy should be one of those people.  He's DEA, which means he's been in law enforcement for, likely, several years; been around guns probably ALL of that time.  He should be well versed in knowing how to load and unload weapons.  Clearing a weapon - probably day one on rookie hazing day at the academy....especially when there are going to be gaggles of children in a relatively small, enclosed vicinity.  

You know, in construction, they have a saying...."Measure twice, cut once."  Makes sense.  I think this guy (and anyone showing, handling, cleaning guns) needs to come up with a mantra similar (if there isn't already one).  This guy isn't the first to accidentally discharge a weapon that wasn't double checked to be clear, he just happens to be one that didn't kill himself when it went off.

However, while, when I first saw this, I laughed (unabashedly), I shook my head and felt bad for the guy.  I can't imagine how horrible he felt (people were clearly scared after that), how embarrassed he was (how many times had he done this before?), and how much his fucking leg was killing him (damn!  that hurts!), but he was willing to man up and push through, trying to turn his fucked up mistake into a lesson to an audience that was clearly lost, while the blush in his cheeks was slowly draining out the bullet hole in his leg.  I found sympathy (once the giggles subsided).

Recently though, all sympathy....G-O-N-E!  Poof!  *cricket*  *cricket*  Insert shock and awe into the void left behind by my sympathy.  *sigh*

Unfortunately, this isn't really news, or, in the very least, it's old news, but I just recently heard about it so it's new news to me.

This officer's name, for the record, is DEA Special Agent Lee Paige, and he has apparently decided that he's going to sue the U.S. government because "....his agency failed to safeguard the video and leaked it intentionally, thereby violating his privacy."

Special Agent Paige, who's apparently easily recognized on the street as the cop who shot himself, was also quoted as saying, "'It's something I can't get away from,' he said in reference to the video files circulating on the Internet. 'It's caused me a great deal of embarrassment and stress to me and my family.'"

Awesome!  Because you didn't "measure twice, cut once", you were injured because of your lack of follow-up, and now you are suing the GOVERNMENT because a video was released?  Seriously?  Special Agent Paige, I don't know the current status of your lawsuit, but, honestly, from a grudgingly loyal taxpayer...suck it.  I'm all for paying my taxes to lend support to my military so they can protect and defend, to my teachers so that our children can live better lives than we do, and to help our first responders (regardless of the uniform that they wear) to be able to do their jobs right and well, but I shouldn't have to lend my taxpayer dollars to support, defend or prosecute this ridiculous lawsuit of yours (or any of the plethora of idiot lawsuits brought to court in this day in age). 

For those interested in reading one of the articles that I found on this lawsuit (while not current) you can find it here....

1 - So giddy, in fact, I would probably find the irony in being held hostage and then, well....I'd probably just end up in a fit of wild hysterical laughing. 

Seriously.  WTF, dude??

Jewell =) xo

Monday, February 7, 2011

Mugshot Monday 2/7/11

You know, if and when we sell our company and I'm no longer immersed up to the tip of my pointed head in news articles, I might actually have to keep myself immersed in it just so I can keep up with the Mugshot Monday posts!  LOL  =)

This pair....they were bad.  They got busted.  The cops said, "Say Cheese!"  However, they probably should have separated them when they took their glamor shots....  He looks belligerent with the "Say Cheese!" request, but then again, maybe he's feeling belligerent because of his "better half" who's clearly warning him to "shut the fuck up!" or maybe she's calling him "asshole!".  *shrug*  Maybe that's her come-hither look....

I don't know.  You be the judge!  =)

Jewell =) xo

Friday, February 4, 2011

Friday Funny 2/4/11

I have to say this is one of the funniest and one of the scariest things I've ever seen all wrapped up into one tidy little package!

I am pretty sure that the breathing she is doing is a call for help.  In fact, I'm almost certain that she's trying to induce a stroke.  Or maybe she's having a bunch of mini ones.... FREAky!

Also...the leotard....really?!?!  WTF lady!?  Come on, how much of a sweat is she realistically working up doing this?  This isn't Olivia Newton-John, Jane Fonda, or even Richard Simmons type exercising she's doing.  And trust me...I'm using the word "exercising" very, VERY loosely!!

Check out this gem....

Oh...and by the way...lest I forget, the 80's wants it's hair back!!!  *drops to knees* PLEASE!

Have a snarktastic weekend my friends!!!  =)

Jewell  =)  xo

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Thursday Chuckles - 2/3/11

Here's this week's chuckles from your one and only  =)

Hey Dumb Ass!  Here's your sign!

There ARE days.....!

Divorce papers pending in .... 3.... 2 ..........

Only one of my favoritest goofy words!

Yeah....fuck you too thermometer guys!
Hope everyone is keeping warm!!!!

Jewell  =)  xo

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Media Hilarity - 2/1/11

Ok's another edition of Media Hilarity for your viewing pleasure!  =)

Teen hit with own golf ball sues for millions  Really asshat?  If you are going to be on the golf team, shouldn't you really have a fucking clue how to drive a golf ball so that you don't have this problem?  Fucking douche canoe!

Woman Steals Fur By Hiding It In Underwear  If I was the owner of this fur coat store, I'm REALLY certain I'd say...."Yeah, she can just keep it."  *dry heave*   (mugshot is included with this one in case you are wondering anything....anything at all)

Hooker overcomes illness, slaps Beaver 64-57 this something that can be published outside of  the Hustler magazine's website???

Woman accused of cop assault with sex toy says she acted in self-defense  Courtesy of my upside down, wonderfully off kilter blog buddy from Australia, Tbaoo, comes this genius of a woman.  Heaven forbid she throw the cash that was in that drawer at the officers, she might have gotten a ride to her house to get the money to pay her bar tab.  Stupid nit!

Police search for Moron  Uh....don't our fine civil servants do this on a daily basis?  Seriously though, can you imagine what kind of shit this guy had to put up with growing up....LMFAO

Make it a funny day, my loverlies!  =)

Jewell  =) xo