Tuesday, January 25, 2011

You know you are FUBAR when....

Ok, so with all this new found celebrity, it's a pretty good bet that actually posting new material...probably pretty fucking important. 

Unfortunately, sometimes trying to come up with funny material makes my brain cells cry keen LOUDLY like some wayward spirit who ended up as B roll on the cutting room floor of Dickens' "A Christmas Carol".

So, in an effort to find something to tickle a giggle out of my brain cells (which alone can be an utterly creepy activity that ALL of you should have to be a witness to), I went in search of that sexy little feather....and holy hell did I come up with a doozy!

Now, it's NO secret that people, in a grandiose majority, piss me off, irritate me, and generally make my foot itch and my leg twitch with an uncontrollable desire to plant my foot firmly in their ass in an effort to punt their heads off their shoulders.  So...these guys?  Oh DAMN!

I have a very short list of people to not mess with...top of the list - IRS.  Those fuckers just need to have their fingers taken off at the wrist for trying to play a yearly game of pocket jockey with me.

Next on the list though, mobsters.  Now, don't get me wrong, just because I lived in Las Vegas for 7 very long fucking years that I'll never get back a short time, doesn't mean that I was snuggled up close and in any neon tinted, air conditioned personal space with any zoot suit types (though technically - I think the official touristy line is that there are no mobsters in Vegas - anymore *cough*).

However, these geniuses from Kentucky...either had really shitty luck, or ASTRONOMICALLY shitty luck.  Check it out....
"Three guys from Kentucky talked their way into a hair salon in South Philadelphia before it opened and then robbed the owner of her wedding ring, engagement ring and an expensive necklace. They were caught an hour later when police stopped them for driving the wrong way down a one-way street. In addition, it was subsequently revealed that their victim is the wife of a local mobster."    -- Courtesy of The Boston Herald

!Glub!  !Glub!  !Glub!  Hope they knew how to swim!  =)

Jewell  =)  xo


Rachel Hoyt said...

Haha. I love dumb criminal stories. I'm voting that they were incredibly lucky. The mobsters were probably right behind them... which is why they turned the wrong way on the one way street. Yeah, that's it. :)

SJ said...

Reminds me of something I saw recently

Police arrested two men accused of running a high-end cocaine and marijuana business they advertised with business cards.

Some people deserved to be slapped :D

Mary said...

That was great! LOL!

Jessica M said...

Haha...that's irony!!! Wouldn't want to be those guys!...and hey...I can't stand the IRS either!

Ron said...

What goes around...comes around. Those boys are what my Grandpa would call "A special kind of stupid!"

Great post Jewell - you famous person you! Don't forget the little people...not to be confused with the cast from Wizard of Oz...just saying :)

Jewell said...

Rachel...lmao - now you know I hadn't quite thought about the going the wrong way down the one way street portion of the story in quite that way. You just might be right. =)

SJ - you are SO very right about that! LOL =) I always shove my way to the front of the line of people who desperately want to dish out the slaps =)

Mary - Glad you enjoyed it! =)

Jessica....I don't know anyone that can stand the IRS, but at the same time I like what little money they deign leave behind too much to mess with them. =)

Ron - I've always loved the "special kind of stupid" phrase...it's one of my favorites, and very apt! =) I love your Grandpa. =) Little people? What little people? I don't imagine the cats count in this instance do they? =) xo

Widow_Lady302 said...

Ohhhhhhh CRAP....their entire family is gonna wish they were never born fur realz....Brilliant post lady of humor, divine gaurd of all things awesome...*see me suck up to you* lol

Jewell said...

LOL Lis - yeah...their family might have to take them out behind the out house to whip them into shape *wink* =) If you are going to do all that sucking up could you switch to the other side...this one's getting a little sore =) LOL

Jenn said...

That's Karma being bitch-slap-happy! Serving a dose and then getting to have round 2 possibly 3 cuz you know they didn't get all they have coming to them...YET!




Jewell said...

lmao - Jenn..."bitch-slap-happy" That cracked me up!! LOL Thanks! =)