Friday, January 7, 2011


Is where I woke up this morning!!!

No Really!!!

The husband him's phone kindly woke me up with it's bloody screaming (1).  While this it would be more uncommon for it to NOT ring at all hours; in which case the mere silence would wake me up and make me think I was in the Twilight Zone anyway, but....I digress.

Firstly, paranormal stuff happening around the house...not so unusual.  Unfortunately I don't think that I can blame the ghosts on today's events.

Anywho, the phone wakes me up.  I engage the crane to pull my ass out of bed, and notice that the pillow that Lucky (the cat) likes to sleep on had moved from the bed, where it was when I went to bed, and was mysteriously on the nightstand next to the bed.

I asked the husband him if he messed with the cat last night when I was sleeping.  He said he did come back to get him, and that his claws got stuck.  Well, ok, that might explain why the pillow was on the nightstand.  Husband him picks up cat, cat tries valiantly to hang onto his pillow, cat loses, drops pillow, cat exits tucked under husband him's arm like a football.

At one point I stagger back to the bedroom to do something and see that the pillow has moved back from the nightstand to the bed.  Not in the same position it is in when the cat uses it, but back on the bed nonetheless.  However, my current brain function suggests that, while my body was up and moving the brain wasn't actually engaged (pre-caffeine of course).  I could have picked the pillow up and thrown it back on the bed, but I really, really don't remember doing it.

In any case, pillow problem....explained (maybe).

I go about my morning, brain starts to clink and clank to life after a few hundred hits of caffeine.  I go outside for a smoke.  Dumb dog is laying on one of her blankets while the other is out by the trees at the end of where her chain extends.  2nd trip outside to feed and water the dog and feed the horse.  I dump dog food and water in respective bowls, proceed to walk out and get the other blanket by the trees because it's windy and, if I don't, it might end up a mile down the road.  I come to a dead stop when my brain acknowledges that the blanket is no longer there.  I look around the yard, no blanket.  Look back at dog laying on first blanket and realize the 2nd blanket is with her.  Ok.  Dog goes out, while I was in the house, grabbed the 2nd blanket and brought it up with the other blanket and laid on it.  Plausible.

Dog blanket issue....probably explained.

I proceed to go out and feed the horse.  I walk into the shop, grab the hay, force the hay over the fence because the wind is blowing like a brick wall and not forcing the hay over the fence means wearing the hay.  Itchy. Scratchy.  Not my idea of fashionable...I shove it over the fence.   I turn around to walk back to the house, and there stands the big dumb dog.  Off.....her.....chain.  Wiggling her tail like an idiot.  WHAT?!

I grab the dog by the loop on her collar, walk her back to her blankets where her chain should be.  No chain.  Chain is out by the trees where the one blanket was earlier.  I figure, ok, she worked the clamp loose on the chain connected to the collar.  No biggie.  I'll hook her back up.  I pick up the end of the chain to hook it back to her collar.....

Chain hasn't come loose. Clamp hasn't worked it's way open from itching and scratching by the dog.  Dog still has her collar on, so she hasn't slipped out of it.  The end of the chain is still locked and looped like we put it on her collar.  It's C--L--O--S--E--D.  She didn't work it lose, she didn't break it or her collar, and it's CLOSED!

Loose dog off her chain....soooooo NOT explained!

I'm thinking that considering today's chain of events, me operating a motor vehicle might not be the smartest move.  I mean, hell, I might go to the store and end up on some island that no one knows anything about with pig faced people doing cosmetic surgery on me!

(1) - I am fairly certain one of these days that fucking thing is going to get embedded in the wall, or mysteriously get buried in the back yard.

Now, if you'll excuse me.  I'm going outside to make sure that the wind is still blowing from left to right instead of straight up, and make sure that the sun sets in the West rather than the East!

Jewell  =) ox


Annie (Lady M) x said...

EEK! bloody hell. What is going on there then? That would have totally freaked me out. Has anything like that ever happened before (I am trying to determine if you have got a ghost). The dog off the chain thing is the weirdest one there DA DUH DERRRRR (that is a ghostly sound).

Bodaciousboomer said...

OMG! That episode with the pig faced doctor working on Donna Douglas scared the living beejeezsus outta me when I was a kid. That and the one where the mannequins came to life when the store closed.

Sorry I can't be of more help with the bizarro stuff. Things like that happen to me all the time.

Jewell said...

Annie....No THOSE particular things haven't happened, but the ghosts have had plenty of fun messing with us since we've moved in here. However, they never had managed to mess with us outside (that I recall) so they definitely can't be blamed for the stupid dog chain which, to this day, I still can't explain!!

BB - LOL...the pig faced cosmetic surgery one is always one that sticks in my mind. My favorite is Mr Beamis who works in the bank, and slinks off to read all day at work. His wife is a shrew, and then the nuclear explosion happens and he's left alone with all the books he could ever want...then he breaks his glasses....the best one! But I love the Twilight Zone actually and watch it's marathons faithfully every New Year! =)

Medifast Coupons said...

Well aren't you just having one of those days. I think I might of went back to bed and re-tried later. Good Luck!

Jewell said...

Welcome...and thanks for leaving a comment =) You know...I seriously considered it. However, me going back to bed would have been tantamount to me willingly laying at the base of the hill begging the pile to hit me! =) The mere thought of getting that far behind on work gives me a rash... =) But the chain was almost the straw that shoved me back under the covers. =-)

Ron said...

Holy Moly there Jewell! I'd be looking over my shoulder a lot with that quantity of bizarre going on.

Possibility with the dog chain thingy: After you went back in...and out of sight, the dog and the horse were on thier backs belly larfing at the practical joke they played on you...just suggesting.

The pig-faced surgery thing reminded me of scenes from the movie "Brazil".

I need to catch up on my Twilight Zone watching :)

Boo! I mean good luck :)

Jewell said...

Eeek! Well! decided to come out of hiding! 'Bout time...I almost had to miss you! =)