Thursday, September 30, 2010

Weeeee! =)

I am constantly fighting with sunsets and the moon to get good pictures.  They always seem elusive or not quite right.  I looked through the kitchen window this week and noticed that the light in the sky looked pretty.  I went out to walk around and out of the corner of my eye saw these clouds splayed out over the horizon.

I was so stoked with how the pictures turned out I decided to use a post to share them!!!!  =)


Now, if finally getting some shots that I was happy enough to share wasn't AWESOME enough!  I decided to send 2 of the 3 to my local TV meteorologists because of the awesome display of clouds!  Guess what happened!  No really!  Guess!  Oooooooo!  Bite me....I can't wait for you to make up your mind....
THEY PUT ONE OF THE PICTURES ON TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I couldn't believe it when I looked up at the TV and saw MY picture!  Of course, the husband him wasn't paying attention so I started yelling "Honey! Honey! LOOK! LOOK!" as I about dislocated my shoulder pointing wildly at the TV.  I dumped the computer off my lap and I was jumping around, squealing like a teenager, clapping and laughing!

The picture that appeared on my local TV news.......(drum roll please!)


Did I mention........Weeee?!  Actually....it's more like HOLY SHIT!  But "Weeeee" will suffice!  =)  *snort*

Jewell  =) xo

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

See - that's just worth mentioning

So this past week when we had no internet here at the house we had to work the whole time from our office.  One of those days the husband him had actually gotten up before me and was already there by the time I woke up.  After finishing my normal round of chores for that morning I drug myself into work to start the rest of the day.

Now one piece of cloth that I keep in my house for drying my dishes when I am done washing them (1) are those cotton flour sack cloths.  They are great at drying the dishes, they last forever, and they aren't bulky for the storage (2).  I got so sick of the husband him using my dish drying cloths to dry his grubby paws that I decided that, before a divorce court needed to decide which cats lived with which parent, I had best buy him his own so that he'd stay out of mine.

Well at some point he, for whatever reason that made logical sense in the man brain, decided to take one of his cloths to the office.  When I arrived at work there was one sitting on one of the chairs.  Of course I grabbed it up, took it into his part of the office and asked why this was laying around on my side of the office.  He said he had set it there because he was going to bring it home to be washed on laundry day.  Ok fine.  I put it with my stuff so that I would remember to take it with me on my mid-day jaunt back to the house to change vehicles and do afternoon animal chores.

Mid-afternoon arrives, I gather up my stuff, grab the cloth and go to tell the husband him I'll be back later for us to get dinner.  He looks at me sheepishly, noticing that I am holding the towel casually in my hand, and says, "Oh, you might want to wash your hands after touching that.  I wiped down the toilet with it."

WHAT!?!  Gah!  *shudder*  Ugh!  *dry heave*  Crap!  You didn't think to mention this the FIRST time I had picked it up and brought it in to ask you why it was on my side of the office?  REALLY?!

While I am trying to process this atrocity to my being and avoid my first (and potentially severe and life threatening) case of hyperventilation, my brain starts winging it's way out of control like it has said sayonara to the confines of  my skull and took off to hitch a ride on some wildly possessed spinning carnival ride.

Why?  Because I would bet money that there isn't a man alive that can pee a straight line right into the biiiiiiiiiig hole right in the middle of the fucking toilet - that's WHY!  I have cleaned too many damned toilets over time to ever be convinced that that sort of an event could occur before a pig growing wings and learning how to break the damned sound barrier - that pig is significantly more plausible than any man, any age, any stature peeing IN a toilet as opposed to on, over, or around it!

Guess what the first thing that I did when I got home was.....




(1) - Yes, I am old school enough to wash my own dishes rather than trust a dishwasher, and yes I have the dishpan hands to prove it.  =-p  And no, I am not taking a picture just to prove it to all of you so deal with it...go wash your own dishes, dry your hands, and then look at them and pretend they are mine!

(2) - Not to mention that they generally are super-uber cheap which always weighs heavily in my decisions!  =)

ACK!

Jewell =)  xo

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

She can't even convince the hired help

You know...most days I could strangle the dog.  I love her, but.......ugh!   Mainly because I am convinced that she is really nothing more than an extremely large rake with the chain she's tethered to.  Really.  She's not even overly picky about the things that she chooses to rake.  For example:
  • ...rocks - every shape, size, and color
  • ...branches - every length and diameter
  • ...leaves that were nicely strewn about the yard are summarily collected (seemingly overnight) in a ridiculously large (1) pile in, over, under and around her chain and post suddenly binding her movements until all she can do is dance a pee dance until I unwind her and redistribute all her hard work
However, her real point to having a home here was to be a guard dog.  Now I mentioned her stunning guarding qualities here and here, but while I am always holding out hope that she will find her inner pit bull or shepherd I am forever going to be fighting against her rep with the hired help.

For example, for the heating on the house we use propane.  Well it's the end of September and it's time for the first propane fill to be put into the tank for the season.  Usually if I am home, I try to stay outside and keep the dog occupied while he's going about his business.  Now the main reason for doing this is because she's a complete nincompoop (2) and she would inevitably go racing over to help him stretch the hose back and forth from the tank to the truck.  Of course, there is always the side concern that our guy (though a reasonably nice guy with a good sense of humor) might have a fear of dogs that would rival a mail delivery person....completely understandable!

However, when I am out there keeping the dog occupied while he does his job, and he says, "That's a big baby raht (3) there!"  Pretty sure, she's going to continue to disappoint her mother and will never grow up to be worth anything more than a black hole to the dog food and a big damned expensive rake.....oh, and of course a nincompoop.

Seriously though, who could take a dog that frequently looks like this....

Angie - the nincompoop!
....seriously.....ugh!


(1) - And eerily......a perfectly circular pile at that....  Hey!! I've got it maybe she has some sort of doggie OCD that needs to be diagnosed, first the constantly raking things, the fascination with her own ass...hell maybe she kicks her doghouse 3 times before goes in or out of it....hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

(2) - Holy hell...I spelled nincompoop and the spell check didn't put that stupid squiggly red line under the word.  How seriously depressing impressive is THAT!  I bet you are so beyond jealous at the moment!  HA!  =-p pfffft  Nahner! Nahner!  Apparently my college edumication and that stupid piece of paper that said I earned a BS BA in English didn't go to waste after all!  My mother is no doubt beaming with pride from the heavens as I type this!  *sigh*

(3) - For all y'all not versed in redneck, backwoods Missourah talk...that would translate to "right".  =)  *snicker*

Beginning to think an ankle biter might be a more effective guard dog....geez!

Jewell  =) xo

Monday, September 27, 2010

Mugshot Monday (sorta) 9/27/10

Ok, now first I should probably clarify that "(sorta)" portion of the post title.  I am fairly certain that the picture attached to this story isn't the guy's mugshot.  Firstly because he's entirely too "chipper" in it....so I pretty well suspect that it's a picture that is taken as a result of his occupation. (1)

Other than that there are 2 things that actually stuck out to me when I read this (2).
  1. It's the freakin' hair man.  What is this guy?  40's?  The last time I saw this stupid hair cut was on the idiot little twit Justin Beiber.  Grow up you idiot big twit....no, seriously, grow the fuck up!
  2. One word ------- masturbation.  (3)
Well, here...I'll let you check things out for yourself.... (4)



(1) - You'll understand the cryptology of that when you visit the link...I promise that my bullshit (in this one and ONLY instance) will actually make sense.

(2) - Other than the fact that this guy creeps me out to the nth degree and makes me want to projectile vomit to the point where I could probably set a world record.

(3) - One thought --------- based on this asshole's picture....pretty fucking sure he's well versed in the art of masturbation....just thinkin'! 

(4) - For those with quease prone stomachs....trash can or bucket recommended.  I will not be held responsible for blown chunks ruining computers, mouses, keyboards, monitors, super-uber-smarter-than-me-phones, etc.

Enjoy.....?

Jewell  =) xo

Friday, September 24, 2010

Sorry to be the one to tell y'all.....

.....I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! =)


Sorry to ruin your weekend....but the satellite internet fix-it guy threw a big honkin' wrench in your vacation sans Jewell.  =-p  Muwahahahahaha!

He showed up, fixed my stupendously stupid faux pas, charged me an inordinately stupid amount of $$ to fix my stupendously stupid self and went on about his way (1) to leave me doing a happy dance around the house!  Woooo - hooooo - oooo!  Oh Yeah!  Uh-huh!

We should be back to our regularly scheduled programming on Monday!  =)


(1) - Ok...so he didn't exactly walk out of the house like a normal person.  He more actually kinda backed out of the house, and sort of stumbled / clawed / ran / crawled frantically away from the house and never quite turned his back on the crazy lady me.  *snort*

Have a beautiful weekend my sweets!  =)

Jewell  =)  xo

Monday, September 20, 2010

I am an idiot....Part Deux *sigh*

Ok...so this is me







Why?

Because at the moment, my internet cables at the house look pretty similar to this....
Courtesy of iStockPhoto.com











Why?

Because apparently I am spatially challenged and can't figure out how far away from the fucking satellite internet pole I need to be when I am mowing.  Or if  you prefer....because I am an idiot AGAIN. (1) *sigh*

So my exemplary mowing skills have left me without internet at the house, so I doubt there will be much in the way of posting this week.  I'll have internet when I am at the office (like now), so I will be able to torture everyone off and on in comments until it's fixed but actually being able to post...well you guys are just out of luck for the time being.  (2)

When will it be fixed?  Who the hell knows.  We are supposed to get a phone call from the fix-it type people within 3-5 business days to set the fix-it appointment.  If it's anything like the quote I wanted to get so we could get the basement project back on track.............I'll still be waiting 4 weeks from now.


(1) - Or is it still?  I am absolutely losing track!

(2) - So sue me for not being able to concentrate when a train goes through town and sounds like it's going to plow through the door of the office imminently - which I might add...said door is like....RIGHT there...as in spit ball distance away without the straw.

Internet challengedly yours =-p

Jewell  =)  xo

Mugshot Monday 9/20/10

Awww...I almost felt bad for this gal when I saw her mugshot.  She just looks so flat out heartbroken.

However, I then realized it was a mugshot.  If you ever have a cause that requires a need to HAVE a mugshot, there probably is no reason to feel sorry for the person posing for it.  *shrug*


Enjoy!  =)

Jewell

Friday, September 17, 2010

Friday Funny 9/17/10

If there was ever a way for me to expound on the many reasons that I absolutely can't stand politicians...this guy performed beautifully!  *snort*

I don't know how many of you (USA folks anyway) actually watch news, but I saw this on multiple news casts (and Jay Leno) and I laugh my ass off every time I see this.  It's better from beginning to end than in bits and pieces like in the news clips.  I'm thinking he's probably Howard Dean's long lost bastard child.  =)

Please be sure to take careful note of the different degrees that he's collected over the years.  It will bring a new light to the craziness idiocy hilarity of it all...


Is it really any wonder why he didn't get the nomination he was seeking?  I think not! 

Great weekend all my lovelies!  =)

Jewell  =) xo

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Picture Day

Ok, so I figured I'd best come up with proof that I really did get away from the computer for a few hours during our long weekend!  =)  We went to a local park that we've never been to.  They claim is over 100 acres.  Either we missed a lot of the park or 100 acres just isn't what it used to be!  =)

Unfortunately there was a lot that didn't look as good as it could have.  We went so long around here without any rain that even after we'd had a little bit everything was still looking pretty scraggly.  Or maybe the scraggly had something to do with the fact that there were a lot of garden areas that were simply overgrown and untended.  Sad really...

There were a couple of areas (a daylily garden and an iris garden) that were out of season that we might go back next spring to see...

Well here ya go...

Stop one was actually a paid area (which really could have been much more than what it was for the $ we spent)...the Japanese Garden




After that we went to a little area that they called the Butterfly House...wasn't overly impressed with that place either.  There is another place locally that is dedicated to butterflies too so maybe we can make it there to get pictures.  In the meantime though these were the better shots that I was able to get when we were in there...






Jewell  =)

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

One of those conversations

Have you ever had one of those conversations with someone?  You know the one.  It's the one that is so absolutely ridiculous you can't help but laugh to the point that people stare at you funny?  (1)  Well I had one of those moments courtesy of the husband him this past weekend. 

We decided to go to one of the few places that's worth eating at for lunch.  As we walked in we had grabbed some reading material to pass the time as this place, while the food is good, is notoriously slow in getting the food out once it's been ordered.  So we were seated and started talking about something while glancing through our reading material.  The waitress had come and gone with our drink order, and as she came back what the husband him was saying kind of trailed off so as not to be overheard.  See, typically, some of our conversations are not necessarily topics most people would consider normal dinner table conversation, so we don't generally advertise the topics when people pass by the table or wait staff continue with their duties.  This time though, the waitress puts down the drinks, asks for our order, and, when she leaves, we turn back to continue our conversation.  Rut-roh!  Seems neither of us can remember what we were talking about.  (2)

Ok, so this normal right?  I mean, I'm pretty sure most people have had those moments, where you can't remember last train of thought.  Not a big deal right?  Nah.  So the husband him tries really hard to kind of jiggle our memories by talking us through it.

Husband Him : So first you said something *pause while seeing if that jiggled a brain cell loose with the necessary information* and then I said something....

At this point I can't help it....

Me:  *snorts, guffaws, and cackles loudly with inappropriate, uncontrollable laughter*  Yeah!  That's pretty much what makes up a conversation!

I didn't care how many people were staring at us.  I was laughing so hard by this point I was bawling.  Not the husband him though.  Nope.  He tries to pass things off as cool by lowering his head so close to his real estate magazine that the it looks like he's going to start snorting the lines of newsprint at any second.  Failing that in his effort to not crack up, he then tries taking a sip of his coffee.  (3)  Unfortunately, he managed to be neither cool, calm, nor collected.  In fact, he threatened to singe his nose hairs by spewing coffee in my general direction.

My reaction?  To laugh harder...  I am totally incorrigible.  =)  Ah well, if nothing else we manage to keep ourselves amused!  =)

(1) - I mean that raucous, entirely too loud laughter for the situation or environment that forces people to stare at me in an even funnier way than they do when I'm not laughing completely inappropriately.  That kind of a laugh!  =)

(2) - Yeah - we not only have conversations most people wouldn't consider normal dinner conversation, but our conversations are so completely enthralling neither of us can remember what we were talking about before we were interrupted.

(3) - I know, right?  He couldn't have picked up the Pepsi that was sitting right there in front of him...he chooses the HOT drink!  *shakes head* MEN!

Remember folks....laughter is nothing more than a smile's orgasm!  =)  Ponder that one for a while!  =)

Jewell  =)  xo

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Dear Bird World.....Seriously, WTF?

So while I was sitting here today, doing my work like a good little drone, I am pretty well convinced the birds in my yard have done lost their little birdy minds. (1)  I didn't keep count or anything, but I'm fairly certain they bounced off of, brushed by, and plowed into just about every single window of my house.

Dear warped, directionally challenged little birdy friends....W-T-F?

I mean really!  It's not like they can't see my windows.  Honest!  I should know!  The windows are absolutely filthy!  (2)  In fact, they're so dirty Stevie Wonder could avoid them without help.

So really....what is the deal?  I mean are they really that bored in their little birdy worlds they have to go careening into mine?

Bird 1:  "Hey George.  I'm bored."   

Bird 2:  "Yeah me too, Frank.  Got any ideas?" 

Bird 1:  "Sure!  Follow me!"  *THUNK* 

Bird 2:  "Hmmm...yeah, thinkin' that's not gonna happen Frank."

I have to wonder.  Do you think when birds get knocked for a loop, or knock themselves for a loop, they see that little circle of birdies tweeting happily in a circle like a bunch of drunks?  The things that make you go...Hmmmm?!  =)

Anyway, because of idiot birds like Frank I think I'm going to have to start investing in Depends at a pathetically young age (3).  Why?  Well, because, you see, with every ear shattering thunk of the window pane I inevitably end up peeing just a little bit. It's really quite annoying, Frank!
So...Knock...It...Off!!!

Thankfully though, there have been no dead bodies to be disposed of as a result of the onslaught.  However, on the upside it's forced my over indulgent, portly cats (aka. "the boys") to get some exercise today.  On that front, I guess the day wasn't a total loss!


(1) - Or at the very least, if their bird brains are still in tact after playing chicken with my windows, their mini bird GPS systems are seriously out of whack!

(2) - And yes I can freely admit this in the vast space called the internetzes.  Who the hell can see the damned windows through my computer screen anyway?!  I mean seriously, it's not like you can see through the paper I have over the web cam!  =-p

(3) - Not just pathetically young, but very probably the record breaking, Guinness Book entry age of someone that can't be qualified as preemie, newborn, toddler or any other such nonsense where diapers are pretty much a perquisite to their fashion sense.

Back to work! 

Jewell  =)  xo

Monday, September 13, 2010

Mugshot Monday 9/13/10

Really?  Aren't people who smoke pot supposed to be happy?  The woman's mugshot, in this article, looks like something from the cutting room floor of "The Exorcist".


Maybe it's just me!  =)

Jewell

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Oh brother! =)

Ok...I don't normally put out a post on the weekends because I'm too busy trying to catch up on all the other stuff that didn't get done during the week.

Seriously though, if I keep running across article titles like this I might have to make this a regular feature! 


I have no problem with snakes.  I like them in fact...but this one might give even me pause!  =)   LOL

Hope everyone's weekend is going well!  

Jewell  =)  xo

Friday, September 10, 2010

Friday Funny 9/10/10

Ok, along the same vein as last Friday's video.  Same cat.  Same guy making the voice.  Still - I'm still laughing myself stupid over here!  =)  These are so awesome!  =)


Happy weekend everyone!  =)

Jewell =)

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

I'd like to thank.....



 YES!  I did dance around the house!  I am stupid like that!  =)  (1)

What am I talking about?  Well how in the world could you have missed it?  I've only been screaming about it from the tops of the....ok, well I've had a big dumb ass grin on my face since the big decision came down.

I WON!  (2)




You:  What?

Me:  I won!  I've never won anything!

You:  What?

Me: *taps you on the forehead*  Helloooo?  Does this thing work?  I.....Woooooonnnn!  *insert big dumb as grin*

You:  WHAT did you win, fool?

Me:  Ok, I don't think name calling is necessary.  Don't piss in my cereal...it's rude!

You:  You better tell me what you won or I'll take your cereal altogether, close my browser window, and leave you here stewing in your super uber stupid weirdness.

Me:  *mumbles something about you being a big jerk face*

Ok, well since you don't seem to be able to translate my excitement appropriately I guess I'll have to spell it all out for you!  Geez!

My friend Annie (3) at the day after yesterday decided to have a caption contest recently for a photo that she took while she was acting like a heathen on her most recent holiday.  Click here to see the hilarious photo, and scroll through the comments on the post to see all the submissions.

Well, because Miss Annie apparently has a knack for getting herself into situations, she managed, in this instance, to get herself in the position of having to pick a winner.  This seems to have caused her great amounts of distress so she called on her friends Sophie and Brennig at Brennig Jones (and friends) to do all the heavy lifting.

So the long and short of it is that they picked one of the captions that I submitted for the photo!  Thank you Sophie and Brennig!  Thank you Annie for listening to Sophie and Brennig and not changing their choice for them at the last minute! =)

Of course, one of the drawbacks to actually winning the contest is that Annie wanted me to submit some answers to a questionnaire for her to feature my little slice of insanity.  =)  Click here to read the post that contains my questionnaire.  =)  Maybe you'll learn something new about me.  Or maybe it will just confirm that I am as lame and crazy as I seem here.  =)  Either way have fun - because my friend Annie said my answers were "super-cool", so it has to be true!  She wouldn't lie to me!  *snicker*  =)



(1) - It was some seriously ugly shit.  The result of which caused the husband him enough embarrassment he pulled his hat down over his eyes and the cats chose to run and hide under the bed.  Be glad none of you were victim enough to witness this circa-1980's dance off of one.

(2) - Yes people...I really am this lame and my life truly is this boring!!  I have no life - get used to it!!!  =-p

(3) - And yes, because she bestowed this honor on me she is now officially my friend.  Of course, I'm pretty sure at this moment she is in the process of swearing out the British equivalent of restraining order so that the crazy American lady can't get within 500 ft of her, her daughter, and her crazy little dog too.  *snort*  =)

Cheers (and no not the TV show)!

Jewell  =)

Monday, September 6, 2010

Mugshot Monday 9/6/10

Based on his arrest report he fought the law.  However, according to his mugshot...the law clearly won! 


Enjoy!

Jewell  =)

 

Friday, September 3, 2010

Friday Funny 9/3/10

I love, love, LOVE this video!!!  For those of you that are friends on FB with me, I apologize (sorta, but not really) for posting this video again, but honestly the husband him and I get such a huge kick out of this we laugh ourselves stupid everytime we see it!  =)


Happy weekend everyone!  =)

Jewell
 

Thursday, September 2, 2010

On strike! =-p

Hello all my loyal lovelies!  This quick and dirty post is to simply let you know that I am officially on strike for a few days.

My brain needs a break.

It's been one of those weeks where my thoughts are constantly on things that are just not funny.  Thursdays suck time out of the time/space continuum.  However, blissfully, a long weekend in the U.S. is upon us.

After her last post, Angie's ego has gotten completely out of control.  When I tried to talk to her...this is what I was confronted with.  In fact, she's informed me that she's convinced stand up is her "gig" (her word not mine), and with her ass staring routine her cornerstone bit. 

So, on top of everything else, apparently I need to find an incredibly large pin to take to her diva-ness.

The husband him has taunted me with a chance to get out of the house and take a photo day.  Since the weather is going to be luscious this weekend, I'll have to see if we can go somewhere that has decent Chinese food (in addition to something to take pictures of).  Maybe when I come back I'll share some of the pictures that may or may not get taken.  They have to be better than the pictures I can take around the yard...


Another upside to the whole getting out of the house thing...I might hear someone say something so incredibly stupid I could turn it into good rich fodder for you to feast on!  =)

I will still be around because my slave driver of a boss the husband him won't likely let me out of working, and of course I need to keep up with all the blogs I follow so I can pop in and irritate you all equally.  If you find yourself missing me sooooo much you are having withdrawl symptoms you can use the "Contact Jewell" link under the search box or you can friend me on Facebook.  =)

I won't leave you hanging though for a Friday Funny.  I have it scheduled for you, as I have a video that is so funny I couldn't avoid sharing it!

Wonderful long weekend to my U.S. stalkers.  Wonderful normal length weekend to all my International Stalkers!

Jewell  =)

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

100% USA Flab

Ok...so the stupid dog got me to thinking. (1)  Her obsession with her ass, while completely and utterly disturbing on so many levels, got me to thinking about the whole mass obsession in today's society with body image.  (2)

I would really like to think that I have the capacity to say something witty AND wise all in the same sentence about this topic, but....no.  I really have nothing.  I mean, really, I just don't get it, and if I don't get it, you don't get witty AND wise.  Sorry!  Thank you for playing, and please feel free to try again!  =)

For example, TV shows like this one....


....creep me way the fuck out!  And that's not even a joke.  If you have never seen or heard of this show...just plug the name into your search engine of choice.  Hell, there's probably clips of it on YouTube. I can't watch it because I can't get past the creep factor in the flipping commercials.  Really....search the interwebs for images of the girls that appear on this show.  As if the whole stage mom thing wasn't creepy enough and worthy of some specialized sort of intervention in and of itself, the way the girls are dressed AND act is just plain sad, weird, creepy, mind bogglingly, jaw droppingly....sick.  All that and so much more that I am at a loss to be able to come up with words to cover it appropriately.

And if that isn't bad enough, then you have people like Heidi Montag who take the whole body loathing, self image, thing waaaay too far.  If you haven't heard of her before, let me try to help out.  Apparently she was on a show called "The Hills" (I know nothing about the show, what channel it's on, whether it is supposed to be fictional or "reality" (3)), and apparently because of this show she became "famous" (4).  Also, best as I can tell, she's been a part of a select public eye since 2006-ish give or take a millenia.  Anywho, what I actually recognize her name for is because she recently made the news for having gone in to have 10 (5) plastic surgery procedures in one single day.  (6 & 6b)  Anyway, in my opinion (7) she was much prettier before than after!  Have a look......


  Heidi - Before Surgery (2006)

















Heidi - After 10 Surgeries in 1 day (2010)
 I just don't get all this, truly.  Of course, the whole plastic surgery thing always get play where Joan Rivers is concerned.  The woman has had so many nips and tucks that a mannequin looks more human than she does.

All I can say is that I am 100%  pure, USA grown flab, and proud (ish).  =)


(1) - I mean one of us around here needs to do it, and since her's judgment on certain things seems to be a little more skewed than mine...I'm probably slightly better at the whole thinking thing!

(2) - I know!!  It's mind bogglingly wild how a mere dog's thoughts could end up leading on such an philosophically unimpressive tangent!

(3) - And seriously...were "reality" shows ever reality?  Survivor...don't understand the draw.  Big Brother...pompous idiots who think entirely too much of themselves.  Operation Repo....really?  Do I even need to go there?  Anything with Paris Hilton...not even coke could make something she does a reality unless it is viewed through the viewfinder of  "Cops - Las Vegas - Party Girls Gone Wild Who Are Celebrities For No Reason Other Than Daddy's Got More Money Than Any Diety In Any Culture In Any Part Of The World And Couldn't Sound Remotely Intelligent If Her Voice Was Dubbed Over By A Professional Voice Person!" Edition  *deep breath*

(4) - Really, fame and celebrity titles should be reserved for those who actually do something big enough in this world that the majority of the population might actually recognize them for something other than being stupid!

(5) - Yes, that is a 1 and an zero (0).  As in 10.  As in 10 times more than 1.

(6) - Oh, and her surgeon that did all this work...a super, uber genius!!  Killed recently in a car wreck because he was texting and driving.....apparently close to the edge of a cliff.  Texting while driving - not the brightest bulb in the box type idea.  Texting while driving near the edge of a cliff?  Yeah - that just earns you a dumbass award!  Posthumously of course!
    --- (6b) - And sadly no...I am not into celebrity/Hollywood drama/gossip/bullshit.  Want to know why I know this crap??  Because apparently this is what is considered NEWS by any number of news outlets in any format you can possibly imagine!  Yes. Really.

(7) - Not that anyone asked!  =-p

Now, off to find the number for a doctor to hike the girls up to where they belong, and another to fix my eyes so I can dump the glasses.  *snort*

Jewell  =)