Monday, December 20, 2010

Very Special Mugshot Monday 12/20/10

Well I feel that it is my worldwide civic, nay humanitarian, duty to post this special Mugshot Monday.  I mean, this man seems to get around.  His rap sheet is lengthy, he is a severe repeat offender, and his rap sheet goes back for CENTURIES! 

Come on folks....take a good look!  If you see this man, step up and perform a citizen's arrest, we can't afford to just let these injustices continue!


He has a list of offenses that authorities refuse to talk about, and it was with great diligence, late nights, and much hard work that I managed to find many of his transgressions. I have listed them for you below.  Read them carefully, and be aware of them should you be the one to encounter this individual.

1.  His most common offense is chronic instances of Breaking & Entering.  Now, the unusual thing about his B&E is that he seems to only make entry into our humble abodes solely through our fireplace chimneys.  Strangely enough, even the houses that don't have fireplaces....he manages to get in from the roof.  Authorities have yet to figure this part out, but forensic scientists across the world are working diligently to explain these odd occurrences.

2.  He tends to use a different alias for every country.  I can't list them all here, but here are just a few....
          Santa Claus, Santa, Kris Kringle - USA, Canada
          Pere Noel - Belgium, France
          Weihnachtsmann - Germany
          Father Christmas - United Kingdom
          Ded Moroz - Russia
There are many more countries and many other names.  I'm sorry I can't list them all but I am in a rush to get this post up so that you can review it.  If your country isn't listed you can try contacting your local authorities to see if they will divulge his alias in your area, but don't expect them to be forthcoming with their information.

3.  His mode of transportation is generally by air, but he tends to also use sleighs in the more remote areas.  Please be on the lookout as his aircraft is said to have a bright red light used for a headlight.   Also, because his preferred mode of transport is by air, he's generally followed by the FAA, and meteorologists worldwide.  Knowing this, and that it is frequently broadcast widely to the public, it's unfathomable that the authorities haven't been able to catch this dastardly criminal.

4.  While authorities are unable to catch this person, there is significant photographic evidence that he has been traumatizing small children and pets, generally, for some reason, only during the winter months.  (Photographic evidence of said traumatizations below....)






When is this insanity supposed to end?  The authorities aren't doing their job nearly well enough, and, even with help from organizations and individuals in the FAA and the meteorological community, this man has yet to be caught!  If you see him, if you catch him in your home, please call the authorities.  I hear, though this is not confirmed, that he can be lured and/or bribed with milk and cookies sometime around midnight between Dec. 24th and 25th.....if you catch him proceed with caution, and good luck!!

Jewell   =) xo

11 comments:

Widow_Lady302 said...

Can you guess which pic is my fave? If you guesed black cat smacking santa...you are totally right! LOL

Merry Christmas little lady! Love'n ya!

Bodaciousboomer said...

Cute, very cute kiddo.

YogaSavy said...

Only you could come up with something like this!!! Happy Holidays and hope he breaks into your house with Love and Light!

Jewell said...

Lisa....Yeah I kind of figured that might be your favorite! =) I loved that one too! =)

BB - Thank you! =) Was a little worried this one wasn't going to be funny! =)

Savira...um, thank you? =) lol Happy Holidays to you, and thank you for the wishes! =)

Annie (Lady M) x said...

Ha ha! That is well daft you loonbag! I love the expression on the cats face, second from the bottom. It looks like it's stuffed.

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

Awesomely fun post, I think the mug shot was my favourite until the very last shot with the cat. Made me laugh out loud.

We took our dogs to see Santa last year, as part of a fundraiser for the Humane Society. One semi-behaved, Alfie decided to pull on the beard. And then try to eat it. Afterwards the Santa announced he was taking his lunch break early. Coincidence, I am sure...

Jenn said...

Oh....My....Gosh! I've seen this freakin Kringle guy in my damn living room. Like why haven't they caught him? The biggest perpetrated offense is that he drinks my milk and eats my baked goods...like ewwwww...I don't want his white gloves all over my cookies and brownies. No telling where his fingers have been. I hear he lays them beside his nose and up the chimney he goes. What a nose picking freak. Yeah...Let's hope they catch this guy for sure!!

Merry Christmas <3

Jenn

Rachel Hoyt said...

Haha. My boyfriend and I will plan a pirate style sneak attack against him. Hopefully this holiday season, justice will win!! :o)

Rhyme Me a Smile

Ron said...

Great post Jewell! I tried to convince my son that Santa was a no good criminal and that the gifts were bribes...but his list didn't get any shorter. Now I have a grand daughter to teach all of the tricks to :). Justin may as well surrender now...muwahahaha!

Be well

YogaSavy said...

I realized what I wrote! Sorry I guess my sarcasm took over! the post was light, funny and fun to read

Jewell said...

LOL Annie...you know at that particular moment that cat was probably wishing it was stuffed instead of where it was at the moment. =)

Brahm *bows* Thank you for the wonderful compliment! =-) And you are right...I am *sure* it was pure coincidence that Santa chose that moment to take his "lunch break" =) lol

Jenn...lmao - OMG - "nose picking freak" That is hilarious!! =)

Rachel...make sure to set up the video camera =) It's not very often you get to see pirates this time of year! LOL =) Good luck! =)

Ron...Thank you *takes bow* Oh yeah...a new generation to corrupt and inspire! =) You're going to have fun with the whole grandfather thing! =)

LOL Savira....I understood your first post just fine! =) Gotta love the internet and it's inability to properly communicate undertones! =) No worries, sweetie...all's good! =) I'm still glad you enjoyed the post! =)