Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Female Demerit System

Ok...normally I don't share the forwards that people send me in email.  Most I don't read, some I do and dump, but this one (sent to me by one of the husband him's chat buddies) had me laughing out loud!  =)  I had to share it, as anyone, who's in a relationship or has been, can relate to this one on some level.  =)  Enjoy!  =)

Jewell  =)  xo

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The Female Demerit System

In the world of relationships, one single rule applies, make the little woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.

Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted. 

You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here's a handy guide to the point system:
 
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with Beer (-5)   
You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with an iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend (-2)
Named Tina (-10)
Tina is a dancer (-20)
Tina has silicone implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (+2)
You take her out to dinner, and it's not a sports bar (+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2) And, it's all-you-can-eat night    (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called "Death Cop" (-3)
You lied, and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

 YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly, and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly, and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "So what?  You have one, too." (-8000)

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)
   
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)

Lets face it fellas, you can't win.

7 comments:

Felinae said...

Oh Yeah, I am so borrowing this to use as a blog post for tomorrow. LOL! Thanks Jewells.

Hugs~Fel~

Ron said...

Ya know what...going down your list...if I broke even at the end of the day...I'd be happy :)

I am a man...but I can change...if I have to...I gues :)

Hope you are feeling better.

Jewell said...

LOL Fel - steal away! =) hehehe I figured you would love it =)

Ron...yeah some how I figured you would say that! LOL =) Breaking even works...it's when you start digging a hole you men types need to worry! =)

Jenn said...

LOL!! OH...I so need to borrow this...this is great!!

Have you kicked that nasty cold yet or what?

=D

Jenn

Jewell said...

Jenn...steal away! =) hehe Cold seems maybe a very little bit better...husband him though...looks and sounds like crap. Boy! When I share, I don't hold back apparently! =)

Annie (Lady M) x said...

That was well funny! If so many people weren't borrowing it already, I would snaffle it for my own blog..Nice one Jewell!

Jewell said...

Snaffle away Annie! =) Tuck it away for a lazy day! =)