Wednesday, October 27, 2010

omg! OMG! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuc......!!!

Yeah...I'm wigging out a lot little bit.

"So what else is new?" you ask.

Bite me!  =-p~~~~

A year or so ago my eye doctor, during the course of a regular check up, indicated that with my eye prescription (1) I would be a good candidate to undergo Lasik surgery.  I was told that once I hit my 40's I will likely need to have minor prescription reading glasses to read, but that my overall eyesight would be greatly improved. 

Well of course, that stupid idea niggled it's way into my brain and it's popped up off and on over the course of time.  I finally decided to take the step to have a consult.  So I called my doctor to make an appointment for a check up and to talk with him about getting a referral to the surgeons who perform the work.

I went in, had my check up which included the inevitable dilation of my eyes.  Now, this is something I am used to.  I mean since bats can see better than I do, it's been a pretty regular occurrence during the course of my lifetime.  However, the Doc warned me that the solution he was using was a stronger solution for dilation than what they normally use, that it would last approximately 24 hours, and that there would be a "little" bit of a sting.  However, there was a numbing agent that he would also use to help.

SHIT!

I think he needs to better tailor his warnings.  If the husband him hadn't been standing there I would have sworn on a bible, a sword, a pile of someone's dead Granny's ashes, anything that he shot me in the face with mace.  CRAP!

While I had tears rolling down my face, at a rate to rival the great Niagra Falls, when he finally remembered to put in the numbing agent.  "I guess I could have done that first."  Ummm....really?  You think?  Stop talking with the husband him about freaking tin cans with propellers!  (2)

So I get the checkup exam finished finally, and Doc says, "When do you want to have your surgery?  Next week?"  (Keep in mind we were just in there last Friday.)

Ummm...what?  I'm pretty sure one of my overly dilated eyeballs popped out and landed in his lap, but with the numbing agent I can't be sure of that.

Well, to make a short story longer, I have set up my consult with the surgeon on Wednesday (well today if you want to be fussy).  Depending on what sorts of things happen when I am there (over the course of a couple hours), I could have my surgery as early as Thursday.  THIS Thursday!  *faint*

If things go as they very well could, I will be out of commission on computer time for a few days.  So I am going to try to get the blog scheduled so that I don't leave y'all high and dry in the radius of your collective funny bone.

I'll move the "Media Hilarity" post off to Saturday, but everything else should be as it normally is.  Hopefully by the beginning of next week I'll be able to be back into the swing of things and catch up on the comments you guys will leave.  *crosses fingers and toes*



(1) - Basically....bats can see better than I do without my glasses or contacts.  It's pretty f'ing bad.  =)

(2) - No secret...I hate flying.  The smaller they get the more adamant I am I will never get in one.  However, the husband him and Doc talk non-stop about flying personal sized aircraft....I have nothing to add to such conversations.  Well, I don't imagine that's very true...someone who is a pilot asks me a question, my standard response without actually listening to the conversation is "No."  Partial attention to the conversation, "Nooooooooo thank you!"  Complete attention to the topic at hand, "Fuck that!  You people need permanent straight jackets installed on your person."  Did I mention I don't like to fly?

Stay out of trouble.  ALL of you!  And no graffiti on the new walls!  =-p

Jewell =) xo

7 comments:

Annie (Lady M) x said...

I would have kicked him in the nuts if he had done that to my eyes!

Bloody good luck with the surgery though... I shall be thinking of you and checking back regularly to read updates. If it is any consolation, a friend of mine had that surgery on his eyes, and he completely waxes lyrical about it - it changed his life.

So I eagerly await your transformation from Mole to Eagle!

HasTheVoice.com said...

Interesting...I put this for my Facebook status less than 40-minutes ago:
Please don't use God's name in vain...Why don't you say, "Oh My GOOGLE!" instead?

And then The Blog Farm posts your article.
NEXT PLEASE!!!

poet said...

best of luck jewel. will send positive vibes your way. keep us posted. :)

Jewell said...

Annie....thanks for the luck! =) As it turns out they are going to hop me up on Xanax first...paaaaaaaartay! =) Should be a rockin' good time!

Poet....thanks...positive vibes and healing thoughts gratefully and lovingly welcome! =) My appointment is 10am CST tomorrow....*deep breath*

And Mr HasTheVoice.com....I think I will dedicate a post just for you, because I am pretty sure that you aren't ever planning to come back to read this comment response...please stand by. =)

Ron said...

Jewell - Good luck with the surgery! Rest up and we'll see you on the other side...and apparently...you'll see us as well :)

Be well,
Ron

Jenn said...

First Jewell...I am convinced you are a cloned version of me living in the middle of nowhere Missouri.

I have horrible eye sight...and yes the blind could lead me and I'd follow without my contacts and glasses on because I wouldn't know they were blind. HA HA!

Second...the dialation drops. I was 14 and they put those burning mother fuc...ers in my eyes and I swore I was going to punch the doctor..but I swung and missed (bad eye sight) and I had a terrible headache after for 3 days. I lived in Florida and the sun was trying to kill me. I've never had them dialated since.

And I hate flying too. WOW! The smaller the plane the more I become unglued and irratic. Anyway...see what I mean. I could have literally wrote this post ...except I don't write this well.

SO you get to write, I get to read :) Thanks my cloney friend!! Jenn. ;)

Jewell said...

Ron....well the surgery is done and I will be working on a post to try and fill everyone in! =)

Jenn...you know that "they" (who the hell are they anyway? they seem awful mouthy!) say...everyone has a twin! =) My long lost twin *flying tackle pounce ala Ti-double-grrrrrr) How I've missed you! =)