Thursday, October 7, 2010

I think I found it.....

Ok, so yesterday's post I mentioned feeling off.  So =-p~~~~ to you if you had some smart ass comment that you mumbled to yourself about just how far off I really am! Humpf! 

I am typing as I think, and I doubt that by the time I wring all of this out I will be going back through to do much editing.  So I hope you are able to follow along with my thoughts as they flow....

Anywho, I thought I would try to come up with what it was that was blocking the funny train inside my head.  I think it's simply that I am tired.  Not tired of blogging...I get more laughs in a day than should be legal either by reading the blogs of others or by the comments my stalkers leave behind here.

I guess part of me is tired because I am blessed in so many ways, and my only reaction anymore to some of the news stories that I see, in print or on TV, is to shake my head.  (1)

I believe in the basic good of humanity, and the huge hearts that people (as a rule) have.  When I see horrible things happen to either good and innocent people or see others take advantage of the good in others is makes me want to relieve myself of the world altogether.  Now, while I may not always agree with the people all of the time (2) I believe in the base good of humanity as a whole.  Take Hurricane Katrina, it was a huge, devastating blow to New Orleans and all of the states affected along the Gulf of Mexico, but people's hearts, appointment books, and wallets opened up all around the world to help those that were hit so hard.  The same thing with 9/11, the world grieved over innocence lost.

Recently, in the news, though there is a "new" (as in 3 years old new) story that has just broken my heart.  It's only been piled on top of other stories of late that laid foundational cracks, but this one did my heart in. The story is about a family destroyed by something as simple and nothing more grandiose than pure evil.  (3)  The story is about the attack and murder of Jennifer Hawke-Petit and her 2 gorgeous daughters.  The husband and father, barely making out of the house alive after being beaten with a baseball bat couldn't even walk, once he escaped his home, and had to roll across the yard to get to a neighbor's house to get help.  (Do a search for Mrs. Petit's full name if you aren't aware of the story.) When I first heard about this on the news, and heard the 911 call from the bank teller I seriously thought it was something from a movie (as I wasn't paying much attention to the TV at the time the story came on).  The more I listened, the more horrified I became.  Then I became down right pissed off that these, these things (4) could do the things that they did to a woman who hoped and prayed with every fiber of her being that her last trip to the bank was going to save herself and her family.

Today though...all of that morphed into a deep, soul soaking sadness for the husband and father, the only survivor.  Today was the finale of the first trial of one of the men being tried for the, the....heinous (and that word just seems to epically fail to cover the depth) crimes committed on this family.  This man sat through the trial, witnessed testimony after testimony every day.  Through the trial he hasn't made much by way of public comment because he in no way wanted to say anything that might affect this trial or the trial to come, but upon the guilty verdict of 16 of 17 counts for the first defendant he came to the podium outside the courthouse and said a few words this afternoon.  I sat on my couch and sat mesmerized by this man.  I wondered in my head how he could possibly "survive"...and I mean the word survive on every possible level...the atrocities not only that he witnessed on the women in his family, but to himself.  So this afternoon, when he came out to speak with reporters, I was as mesmerized as I could possibly be.  His strength to be able to live through this commanded my respect and my empathy.  As he spoke, I studied him.  I listened to every word, studied every nuance of his being...I wanted to understand how someone could begin to cope with everything that he's not only currently going through, but still has to endure before some part of his nightmare will be over.  What I saw was a man whose string was so incredibly thin that I was sure a breakdown was going to be imminent once the cameras were turned off, and my heart broke with a simple tear.  The need to cry for this man is deep, and it seems it's completely derailed my funny...

I apologize for the downer of a post...but in yesterday's post I said I would try to put my finger on what it was...I think I found it.

(1) - And this is seriously something that could cause permanent damage to my already less than functional brain cells.

(2) - ....if ever actually....  I'm kind of an independent snot that way!

(3) - And I promise you, I am in no way religious, but there is no word in my vocabulary that could cover the depth of darkness inside the 2 men that committed the crimes.  Evil is as close as I can begin to come.

(4) - I would have said animals, but that would be an insult on perfectly innocent 4 legged animals that don't deserve that sort of comparison.

Hug someone you's important for them and for you.

Jewell  =) xo


Gill said...

That is such a sad story ... but if there is one positive that can be taken from it, it's that the human spirit IS strong, and sometimes it can't be broken. The man you talk about is obviously extremely courageous, but like you I do wonder how he copes privately. I hope he has (other) loving people around him to help ease his pain and suffering.
Big hugs to you too hun - and tnx for thinking of me. :) Don't have a lot of free time at the mo, but I'll be back to full throttle soon, I hope. ;-)

CntryJewell said...

Gill! =) Yeah...I can't imagine how dark his darkness is when he is alone. The story really is something that belongs in a movie script. It's so horrifying it's hard to believe that it was something that actually happened.

Know you are missed... =) At least you know someone misses you when you are swamped! =) Big hugs right back at ya!

Ron said...

Jewell - Great post! I listened to the story on the news before the last day started on the trial. I did not hear the comments by the husband/father, and I cannot imagine the resolve it would take say htem, or live them.

No level of punishment to the defendants would suffice.

Thanks for sharing the story - I admire the level of care you show in conveying it.

Be well,

Jenn said...

I don't know how he's survived either...but hopefully he has other family (parents, siblings, etc.) to lean on. Perhaps knowing that his family rests in a better place as opposed to living through the darkness that he's enduring is something that gets him through moment to moment? I am not sure..but I do hope and pray he has some sort of support network for when he really needs someone to be there.

CntryJewell said...

Ron...thanks for the know I don't do serious well. =) I was hoping that what I wrote was written well...looking back over it after I'd slept I wasn't so sure. So thanks...I appreciate it.

(((Jenn))) It's so sad that sad doesn't seem to cover it all. I, too, hope that he has a support system, but in the end all the support in the world doesn't take away the impact that's been left behind.

Annie (Lady M) x said...

Awww no. That is an awful story. Never in a million years could I imagine what that poor man has to live with. One thing always amazes me though - the ability of people to cope in the face of the most immense adversity.

CntryJewell said...

Annie - I agree completely...the human spirit is something phenomenal to witness.