Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I can't make this shit up!!

Trying to find pictures to go in some of the posts that I put out for you people can get interesting at times.  This time, for this little trip through blog-land, a pair of handcuffs easily fit the motif of the topic.  However, finding a picture that is either PG-13 or not boring can, at times, be a bit of a challenge.  When I came across this picture I couldn't help but laugh!  *snort*

Aren't you all lucky?  I felt like sharing?  Muwahahahahaha!  >=-)

Anywho...on to the real reason for this post!

Well, I think it's finally happened.  I have found the dumbest criminals of all time, and you, my love-erly friends, get to bear witness to the outstanding, awe inspiring stupidity of the dumbest criminals to bless this beautifully fucked up earth of ours.

My buddy Ron at If I Had A Blog (1) seems to believe that I am some genealogical genius based on what he sees on my Mugshot Mondays.  I'm not quite sure where he thinks I've found this extremely fruitful tree of idiots, straight jacket aficionados, morons, and downright ugly people; however, he appears to have himself convinced, and who am I to try to disillusion him.  =)  However, whether you tend to agree with Ron on that point or not, I think all of you will agree that these 2 are the perfect fruits to top that tree.

First we have Mr. Matthew Kinard.  Now, Mr Kinard and the long arm of the law have met on a prior occassion on drug related issues.

Then we have Ms. Selma Elmore.  She too has had the opportunity to become acquainted with the long arm of the law. Her prior issue?  She failed to pay a fine that she had been issued.

Ok, so now that we have the players, and their prior issues laid out, here's my conclusion.  They were seperated at birth!

"Why?" you may ask.

Well let me tell you (2), within a month of each other, almost to the day, they had the unmitigated, stupdendous gall to willingly seek out and ask 2 different police officers in 2 different states the exact same question.

"No way!" you exclaim.

"WAY!" I reply.

"What question?" you inquire.

Well you are soooooo not going to believe this...

"Do I have a warrant out for my arrest?"

(Wait for it.  Wait..........for..........it.......)

*thunk*  *bang*  *thwack*

There it is......*Jewell begins fanning her collective readers after they have passed out, banged their heads on their desks, or thumped themselves in the foreheads*

Oh yeah!  That's right!  These 2 inglorious numb skulls sought out the po-po so that they could see if they had warrants for their arrests.  Guess what happened next?  You guessed it....they received a free ride to the pokey with some newly acquired bling.

I can't make this shit up, people!

And, seriously, the absolute BEST part of this?  Mr. Kinard is the very self aware sort, because, during his free ride, he was heard by the arresting lady po-po to have said....."I am the stupidest criminal in the world."

Yes, Mr. Kinard.  Yes, you are.  And so, apparently, is the long lost sister that you were, so clearly, separated from at birth.  Maybe when you both are done with your stints up river you should consider a family reunion.

If you are interested in reading the stories of these two, obviously, related folks.....go here for Ms. Elmore and here for Mr. Kinard.  And if you do nothing else, please visit the page for Mr. Kinard.  His picture is abso-fucking-lutely priceless!  (3)

(1) - I really need to sit this boy down and have a discussion with him and let him know that he really does have a blog...I've actually seen it!  =)

(2) - Now, I must insert the obligatory I am not responsible for any or all items within a 25 mile radius of your current location (or significantly further than that, but I'm being conservative).  I am also not in any way, shape, or form responsible for any bodily harm that may occur.  Should you have food or drink within reach, please do not hold either until such time you are done reading past this point. If you are standing, you may want to sit.  If you are on a chair that rolls, you might consider sitting on the floor.  Consider yourself amply warned, and if you didn't read this completely warped version of Jewell-legaleez, until AFTER such time your stuff or your self were harmed.....tough shit.  It applies retroactively!  =)

(3) - And by the looks of it....he already dressed to impress...nice stripes dude!  *snort*  =)

Jewell =) xo


poet said...

i think i'll just say "wow" (in a low long drawl). :)

Jewell said...

lol - I know right? =) Kind of astounding! =)

Ron said...

Jewell - First of all, I know I have a blog...the blog is REAL...I am imaginary.

Secondly and although I am still convinced that your collection of criminals are all from a branchless and very tall family tree, in defense of these 2 numb skulls...they were just trying to plan their day, and the police helped with the details. At least they know they are getting 3 squares and a cot for a while :)

Be well,

Jewell said...

Ahahahah LOL - gotcha! =) Who knew that your imaginary self could type let alone work behind the scenes of a play! LOL