Tuesday, September 28, 2010

She can't even convince the hired help

You know...most days I could strangle the dog.  I love her, but.......ugh!   Mainly because I am convinced that she is really nothing more than an extremely large rake with the chain she's tethered to.  Really.  She's not even overly picky about the things that she chooses to rake.  For example:
  • ...rocks - every shape, size, and color
  • ...branches - every length and diameter
  • ...leaves that were nicely strewn about the yard are summarily collected (seemingly overnight) in a ridiculously large (1) pile in, over, under and around her chain and post suddenly binding her movements until all she can do is dance a pee dance until I unwind her and redistribute all her hard work
However, her real point to having a home here was to be a guard dog.  Now I mentioned her stunning guarding qualities here and here, but while I am always holding out hope that she will find her inner pit bull or shepherd I am forever going to be fighting against her rep with the hired help.

For example, for the heating on the house we use propane.  Well it's the end of September and it's time for the first propane fill to be put into the tank for the season.  Usually if I am home, I try to stay outside and keep the dog occupied while he's going about his business.  Now the main reason for doing this is because she's a complete nincompoop (2) and she would inevitably go racing over to help him stretch the hose back and forth from the tank to the truck.  Of course, there is always the side concern that our guy (though a reasonably nice guy with a good sense of humor) might have a fear of dogs that would rival a mail delivery person....completely understandable!

However, when I am out there keeping the dog occupied while he does his job, and he says, "That's a big baby raht (3) there!"  Pretty sure, she's going to continue to disappoint her mother and will never grow up to be worth anything more than a black hole to the dog food and a big damned expensive rake.....oh, and of course a nincompoop.

Seriously though, who could take a dog that frequently looks like this....

Angie - the nincompoop!

(1) - And eerily......a perfectly circular pile at that....  Hey!! I've got it maybe she has some sort of doggie OCD that needs to be diagnosed, first the constantly raking things, the fascination with her own ass...hell maybe she kicks her doghouse 3 times before goes in or out of it....hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

(2) - Holy hell...I spelled nincompoop and the spell check didn't put that stupid squiggly red line under the word.  How seriously depressing impressive is THAT!  I bet you are so beyond jealous at the moment!  HA!  =-p pfffft  Nahner! Nahner!  Apparently my college edumication and that stupid piece of paper that said I earned a BS BA in English didn't go to waste after all!  My mother is no doubt beaming with pride from the heavens as I type this!  *sigh*

(3) - For all y'all not versed in redneck, backwoods Missourah talk...that would translate to "right".  =)  *snicker*

Beginning to think an ankle biter might be a more effective guard dog....geez!

Jewell  =) xo


Felinae said...

LOL! That's a cute picture.
Don't give up hope, Jewell, maybe she can cause the intruders to laugh themselves into incapacitation. :D


CntryJewell said...

lmao - that's awesome....burglar death by funny bone! =)

ruairi said...

That is an amazing picture :-) she sounds amazing!!!

Annie (Lady M) x said...

Aah, what a cute dog. Not very scary looking though. Tell you what - I'll swap ya for Naughty George. He's not as cute as your dog, but he does bark a lot which will scare burglars!

Jenn said...

AWWW...maybe she's a lap dog in disguise? Just a thought ...but you know...the helpful kind of lapdog?? Or perhaps...she's supposed to be a herding dog...you know herding in all the rocks and leaves...or scattering (dogs' perspectives are a bit skewed.) ALL just random thoughts...but you know...something more to think about. LOL!
Cheers, Jenn.
Oh Congrats on the spelling thing. ;)

CntryJewell said...

ruairi....thanks...yeah - she's quite a kick! =)

Annie ... thanks, but I think will pass on your offer - I'm entirely too traumatized by his varying smells just by reading about them I'm not sure that I could deal with them in person! =)

LOL @Jenn - sounds like you've picked up some of your husband's qualifying traits! =) Oh! And believe me...her perspective is definitely skewed! =)