Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Bane of my existence... *sigh*

As a general rule, I prefer not to take time out of my life to partake of activities that I tend to consider a waste of time or that I tend to abhor taking part in.  One of those activities...shopping!

I mean I really, really, really, hate shopping.  (1)

"Why for?", you might be wondering.

"Ahhh, but let me count the ways!", I would reply.  (2)

I live in the middle of nowhere Missouri.  Rural America doesn't really have a need to dress up as a general rule. (3)  So there is no real pressing need to try to keep up with the fashionistas of the world.  Honestly....I prefer comfort...all day, every day. (4)

Also, I have the guilty pleasure of being able to work from home. (5) For this particular work environment the attire pretty much needs only be animal friendly.  While the cats, dog, and horse could care less what I look like, I had better be ready to jump to their every whim at a moment's notice.  That requires not only comfort but the ultimate in flexibility.

And seriously, another reason to not go out shopping, who really wants to spend the money.  I mean if I am not going to get dressed up for anything, what's the point?

Unfortunately the point is that, my mom was right. (6)  She always told me that everything tends to head South after 40.  I am proud (?) to tell you that, in at least this one area of my life, I am an over achiever.  Not only am I not yet 40, it has all gone to hell South, it's also managed to stretch it's way West and East as well.

While probably not clinically considered overweight or obese, the incessant need to increase my the size of my waistband is mentally traumatizing.  So much so that the mere thought of it makes me pout profusely.

It's amazing how all of a sudden my ass is almost double the size it was in high school, and all of the tops that I have in my closet have managed to shrink!   On so many levels it just doesn't seem right or fair!

Yet, the saddest part of having to go shopping for me anymore?  Everything is so not the size the tags say  it is.  An example!  The husband him and I went to Walmart recently, and I saw this really cute flannel style shirt that would have looked good to go out to dinner in with a pair of jeans.  Unfortunately, it was cute so it was in the Juniors section....normally not tooooo big of a deal.....but I held up an XL (7) and then I slugged the husband him in the shoulder.  Seriously, the stupid thing was 100% cotton (8), and, in case I need to repeat myself, an EXTRA LARGE, and the thing looked like a small!  REALLY?  How is it that an XL can't even be an XL anymore?!  Instead an XL is more like an XXS!  *growl*

My ass getting bigger and the clothes literally getting smaller...beginning to wonder if the nudists don't have the right idea!  (9)

(1) - Did I happen to mention REALLY?

(2) - Yes, I am taking severe liberties with ol' Billy Shakespeare.  I think after being tortured by him for the majority of my college years, I have paid my dues and can call him any number of names.  ;-)

(3) - If, for whatever reason, I haven't built up enough credibility with you after alllll this time then you really need to take a gander at this.  Oh come on now...click the link!  I'll be you can't click the link!  I'll be you are one big ol' chicken, and just can't bring yourself to look!!  =-p Oh BTW - in the caption, note the location the picture was taken in .... I rest my case!  =-p

(4) - Yes that means I primarily work in my PJ's all freakin' day?  Got something to say about it?  =-p  Jealous.  =)

(5) - Or from our office if I am so inclined..........to irritate the husband him with my presence.  =) "Where ya takin' me for lunch? Huh?  Where?"  It really gets under his skin!  =)  *chuckle*

(6) - Dammit!!

(7) - Bite me...I said that the great expansion had already begun!!

(8) - aka - guaranteed to shrink so that you'll never fit in it again after the first wash.

(9) - No husband him.....we aren't going to find out!!!  =-p

Seriously considering scaring adults and children indiscriminately.... 

Jewell   =)


Jenn said...

I love it...I mean...I needed to laugh tonight...and this did the trick.
I can so relate on the east-west thing...and about fell out of my chair laughing when I read it...cuz lately I've been thinking something similar...although don't tell anyone I said so!
And that link....ewwwww...like what the heck!
Gives Walmart parking lots a whole new meaning!

CntryJewell said...

LOL - good to hear that I was able to bring some laughter to your evening! =) Please don't fall out of your chair though....you aren't covered on my insurance! =)


Beatnheart said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment. Upon reading yours, I find that we are kindred spirits in many ways. You seem pretty crazy but in a good way. Hope all is well over there in Missouri..

CntryJewell said...

Beatnheart...thank you for stopping by my little corner of insanity! =) Crazy is all relative and I have to admit I have a straight jacket in every color =) Missouri....it's hot and dry....like I never left the desert! =)