Friday, July 9, 2010

Oh...hallowed be thy.....stalls????

For all the good things that cell phones can do in and for this world, there is one area that I am afraid all cell phones should be banned.  I know many people think banning cell phones in movie theaters is a good idea....agreed!  I did not pay $1,000.50 to be trapped for 3 hrs with blow by blow coverage of how much bigger your ass has gotten since last weekend's BBQ. Especially when you detail the height, width, and length of said ass over and above Harry Potter's most recent run in with Voldemort. (1 and 1a)

Anywho, I digress.  Another arena most people think that cell phones should be banned is the dinner table when in a restaurant.  To the point that some higher end restaurants have actually created rules that ban the use of cell phones while seated for dinner.  Honestly, not such a bad practice in my opinion.  It was always bad enough, when I was growing up, that the salesmen would call precisely 1 second into the first bite of dinner to sell us a timeshare that is probably now a parking lot.

However, while creating campaigns to enforce these rules of common courtesy (gone awry) is a worthwhile waste of time, my campaign dollars would have to be focused on the banning of cell phones in the TOILET!

See, I am not a huge fan of public toilets in the first place.  Call it what you will paruresis , germophobia, or it could even be a little bit of parcopresis (2).  Of course, it could be just as simple as the fact that I worked in food service for a few years and one of the job requirements was to follow the public into the bathrooms and clean up after them.  (3)

So, now knowing the things that I know of public bathrooms from that side of the plunger, I opt to wait until I can get home to use my own bathroom.  It may not be the cleanest, but at least some stranger hasn't wiped their shit on the walls.

Again...*sigh* I digress...public bathrooms = no cell phones.  Ok, so I had no choice but to enter the bathroom at a local big box store on a recent shopping trip (4).  I go in, and the cacophony of sound was deafening!  Apparently I had missed the sign that was posted on the restroom door that indicated there was a "Screaming Toddler Competition" to commence in the bathroom at 4:42 pm that afternoon.

Me, enter a stall.  So far so good considering that my ability to hear the finer things in life has now been significantly compromised.  The next thing I know, in the stall next to me is a woman talking on her cell phone.  Now, I don't mean that she is talking to her mom on the phone trying to get a list of things to buy while she's at the store.  Nope. This woman is holding a full length BUSINESS conversation in the stall in the bathroom during the "Screaming Toddler Competition".  Reeeeally?  I'm not saying that this is a short, "Yeah, send the fax in my name. Gotta go." type conversation.  NO!  She sounds like she is participating in a conference call - WHAT?!

Ok, so here I am trying to ignore this craziness while I turn off my own cell phone (that no one calls), on the off chance that someone actually decides to call me at that very moment.    The next thing that I hear is, "Well, I'll catch up with you later.  I am sitting in the restroom at [the big box store] because I had to pee.  I'll call you back later when I am done shopping."

Come on!!!!  NO way!  You just told you business associates that not only are they not important enough to talk to in person, or even in peace and quiet, but that you are talking to them while peeing in
[the big box store] toilet?!        Oh!     My!     Gawd!    *bangs head on toilet stall*

So, as I am finishing up my end of this insane adventure, the next thing I hear is the noisily quiet "Click! Click! Click! Click!  [pause]  Click! Click! Click! Click!"  of this woman TEXTING!

*shakes head* 

Oh, and in case you were wondering...toddler contestant #4 was the clear winner no matter what the woman in the handicapped stall said....she was easily a 10 out of 10.

(1) - At which point I would practice waving my "wand" in your direction while thinking loudly, "Expelliarmus!"
     ------ (1a) - Yes, I am a Harry Potter geek who's sadly behind in the series!!!

(2) - Yes, those are real, and I really did take the time to look them up.  So if you are curious as to what they are, then take the time to look up the definitions yourself, you lazy wankers! =-p

(3) - The things that I have seen from that time in my life have forever scarred my / win for you my dear readers! =)

(4) - No, the name of the big box store is not relevant to this topic, so no matter how many wet noodles you lash me with. *purrrrrr - thank you may I have another*  You'll never get me to tell you it was Walmart.  Crap!  Well, now I'll have to kill you....*sigh* Such a shame!

May your bowels move freely, and your hearing remain sound....  =-)



If I had a blog... said...

Physiology is a strange and wonderful thing. Thank goodness we have lavatory conference calls to help keep us regular! Zoiks! If I were one of the call-ees on that call…hearing her admission of her whereabouts, I don’t think I could make eye contact with her ever again…much less borrow her phone.

Be well,

YogaSavy said...