Thursday, July 15, 2010

Dear Airline Industry

Dear Airline Industry,

Quit being stupid!  Pretty please?  Yes, I said stupid. (1)

You know...the kind of stupid where you only allow your passengers one half of an eyedropper of any liquid they deign to bring with them.  Or where you make them sit on tarmacks for half a century in the heat without A/C, free food or water, or a chance to use a bathroom.  Oh!!  Hey, how about this?  How about you quit charging people for privilege of half a peanut shell to snack on?

The kind of stupid that makes you hire people that abso-freakin'-lutely can't smell rotten meat that have MAGGOTS in it!  *gag*  Really?  To avoid such disgusting fodder for my blog in the future, could you, in the flight attendant training course (2), please teach all flight attendants the art of smelling unusual smells in the overhead cargo bins?  Honestly, maggots?  (3)

Also, I am a firm believer that, if you are going to fuck something up, don't do a half-ass job.  You, dear Airline Industry, have finally reached your goal of dumbfounding the flying public. (4) 

Apparently, in your world, it is O.K. to hire deranged CEO's who defend to the death their decision to charge John Q. Public to carry on their putrid, horror film-esque, maggot filled meat.  CEO's who actually go in front of Congress and tell them (5)  "that bringing luggage on vacation was 'not essential' to travel and his airline was actually helping the poor fly by charging up to $45 to place a carry-on bag in the overhead bin." is just crazy talk. (6)

Yes, Airline Industry, one of your very own, illustrious, doltish CEO's uttered these very thoughts, AND in front of cameras.  It was quite disgusting really. Shirley, (7) there's someone out there that was ingrained with some sort of...oh....what's it called?!  *looks up at the ceiling*  Ummm...er, uhhhh...  [ding! ding! ding! goes the light bulb over my head] OH! I know!
COMMON SENSE?!

Oh hell, what am I saying...you were just in front of Congress, the likelihood of that meeting producing anything remotely close to something that could be construed as common sense is fantasy on my part.

So, in closing and before my fantasies get too shocking for your system to handle, I passionately implore you....please quit being STUPID! 


(1) - I even said please...and as the husband him can attest...that just NEVER happens!

(2) - Somewhere between the pop quiz on the how to properly fasten a seat belt and the exercise on how to trip a potential hijacker in a politically correct manner...

(3) - At the risk of making myself redundant - DAMN!  *shudder*

(4) - And even me, the non-flying public

(5) - in their outside-where-everyone-can-really-hear-you voice

(6) - Luggage not essential to travel??  Really?  This guy CAN'T be married!  He most certainly can't have kids!  And, um, helping the poor by charging them MORE?  Yeah...see, I don't see that last part as a valid argument....YOU MORON!

(7) - Yes, an Airplane reference, and I've never even seen the movies!  So take that haters!  =-D 

Sincerely likely to never be one of your passengers again in this lifetime,

Jewell  =-p

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